Tag: norms

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Girls and Boys – Perceptions Based On Sex

Note: I wrote this original post in March of 2014 – a few months before I became an Auntie. The writer and I now have a niece, Hannah, a nephew, Timmy, and another niece on the way. Although this post is old it is HIGHLY relevant. Especially right now. So – preface aside – here is my 2 year old post. Thanks for reading!!

 

Very soon I will be an aunt.  It seems odd that it has taken this long, since I am almost 40 years old, but being an only child has precluded me from this title.  Now, the writer’s brother and sister-in-law are going to be parents and the writer and I are going to be the cool uncle and aunt. How could we be anything less?

This week, I read an excellent piece about the struggles of Transgender people and the preconceived notions that those of us who are CIS believe about them. It made me think of how we should be mindful of everyone.  CIS people should not assume that they know anything about trans folks since the media has failed so terribly to depict them in anything but a stereotypical way.  Things will improve with time, but right now we are still behind in our perceptions.

How does this relate to my future niece/nephew and my status as a cool aunt?  As a future Sociologist and a Librarian, I feel that my goal will be to bring awareness to all types of humans.  To help my friends and family, as well as co-workers and acquaintances, come to an understanding of others, no matter what.  This starts at home, in both the actual and metaphorical sense.  Meaning, you don’t have to know someone that is transgender to understand their struggles.  You just need to have compassion and an open minded understanding of the fact that people are different.

Gender representation is constructed.  It is fluid.  How you feel is not how the person next to you feels.  These are facts, not beliefs.  So, with this in mind we must gain the capacity for understanding.  We must give people the space they need to express themselves without fear.  We must get to know each other as humans and act accordingly.

The first step is to stop saying things like, “I don’t BELIEVE that being transgender is real” or “if you are born with boy parts you are a boy, end of story” or, my personal annoying favourite, “if god made you a girl you will always be a girl, even if you change your parts”.  Bullshit, bullshit, and double bullshit.  You can believe anything you want, but your beliefs do not negate the fact that Transgender people do indeed exist.  You can be as stubborn as you want, but learning new things about others is good and, despite your personal belief, will not hurt you.  And don’t even get me started on the religion thing.  If that statement is true, why are there thousands of babies born with ambiguous sex organs?  Why do intersex people exist?  You cannot pray away what is real and true and scientific.

So, having said all that, I hope that my niece is a happy and healthy child. I hope that she is able to understand herself and others through a lens of acceptance and not judgement. I hope that she can be an intelligent being that is willing to listen to others experiences and open to learning new things. With an aunt like me, how could she be anything less than super cool?

Peace, Chantale aka hippiegrrl

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What Is Success?

Throughout my life I have had many different understandings of what success should look like. I have been able to see success through the lens of how other people achieve things, but never really see that in myself.

When I was a teenager, I thought success was connected to fame. I wanted to sing and dance on Broadway and I thought that if I could just get on any stage, in any role, I would be successful. I did not have to be the lead, just in the show. Success was something that would only come with practice and sweat. Working my ass off was the only way to get there and I felt somewhat lazy when I started putting on weight and trailing off on my practice regimen. Through my college career my focus shifted away from Broadway shows and on to Opera (not by my personal choice, but by the choice of my voice professor who would have “none of that belting in my rehearsal space!”) This shift made me start to see success as something else entirely. Something less tangible. I did not want to be a Diva, so I scraped the whole performance thing and moved on.

After graduating with my music degree my goal was to move out on my own. Success, it seemed, was living in my own apartment and working a full time job that could afford me the ability to go out to eat and still pay the bills. This definition of success seems to have been the one that has stuck with me the longest as I still have this idea in my head that I need to be able to consistently support myself, and anyone else that lives with me, with the basic necessities. This is a much lower bar compared to my teenage idea of success, but it works.

Next month I will be 40 years old, as you already know since I like to mention it often. With entry into this new decade I feel that I am long overdue for a refresh of my idea of success. Armed with 2 bachelors degree, in music and sociology, and a pending masters degree in library science, I am ready to look toward a future that I had not imagined when I was in my 20’s. Writing has always been something I love to do and something that often gets sidelined for whatever other task is necessary in the moment. The only time I really was able to concentrate on writing was when I was doing research in my Sociology program. Being able to observe, read, research, and write was something I loved doing and this is what I believe success looks like for my future. Whether that is within the walls of a library at an academic institution or in a small writing group at the local literary organization, I need to find a place to be able to do these 4 mentioned things and I will feel successful. If I can get paid to do them as well, that will be a bonus.

The lesson learned from this reassessment of success is that it does not have to be tied up with jobs or money. It can be personal success. Setting goals and achieving them. Doing things that make me happy and still being able to pay the bills. Living somewhere that I have only ever dreamed of living and being able to make it. These are the things that truly make up my new definition of success. The writer and I are moving toward it now in a new and different way and within the next 5 to 10 years I can see it happening. As long as we both work hard and push ourselves to new levels, we will be successful in a way that makes us content and that is the best definition of success anyone can hope for.

Peace, Chantale

What is your idea of success? Share with me in the comments!

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The Future of Feminism

The future is bright for those in the feminist movement but our work is never done.  With that in mind, I feel it is a good time to put down my thoughts on the future of feminism and the next generation (are we going to call them 4th wavers?) of women and men that will keep the movement strong.  One of those women will be my niece.  She is yet to be born, but I vow to be a good influence on her sense of self worth and equality.

Here are some of the things I hope for her, and all women growing up in the coming years, decades, and centuries.  This is as close as I will ever get to words of wisdom, so I hope they are taken in the spirit they were intended. Keep them in context and understand that I say the following out of love and commitment to the movement and all those that will carry on the legacy.

Always know who you are and don’t let others bring you down

This is a tall order as society places many restrictions on a woman’s sense of worth.  We have to fight every day to feel good about ourselves, beginning with the way we look when we leave the house, to the things we do once we are out there in the world.  Men do not encounter the level of scrutiny that women do when it comes to appearance and choice of task (whether it be staying home with children or taking the business world by storm.)  At the end of it all, we must know ourselves and our own personal strengths and limitations.  These must be learned through our autonomy as humans and never fostered by negativity from outside.  Be you.  Let the negativity roll off your back and march ever forward.  The only opinion that matters is your own.

The choice is yours

Your body is your own and nobody can make choices for you. You must choose for yourself. Do not misconstrue this to mean that you are alone in the world for you are not. There is always someone there for you no matter the situation. In my life, I will always be the open minded and honest hearted person who will support my niece (and every other woman in my circle of family and friends) NO MATTER WHAT their choices are.

You don’t have to smile if you don’t want to

On too many occasions in life, I have been told to smile. This is my face and I don’t have to be happy to make you feel okay about yourself. This is actually a pretty common theme. If women do not make themselves into something that can be well presented to the world, they are looked down upon. When women don’t wear makeup or don’t have perfectly coifed hair, when they don’t make themselves appear to be happy even when they are not, they are thought to be assaulting others with their lack of “upkeep”. This, I must say, is bullshit. We should be able to look and feel any way we want without criticism or complaint. This is who we are and we will continue to live strong, healthy lives whether we smile or not.

Being smart is cool

There will be times in your life when you are made to feel too smart. As if women who are smart somehow make men feel inferiour. Well, I have two things to say to that; first it is nonsense and second, even if it is true, so what? Men have made women feel inferiour for eons for a million little things, so maybe this isn’t such a bad thing. If a smart woman makes you feel inferiour, maybe you need to assess yourself rather than turning it back on her. Smart is awesome and there is no reason to dumb yourself down for anyone, especially not a man.

You don’t need to be in a relationship to be happy

This does not mean that you should be alone. Having a significant other is a wonderful experience, but not for everyone. The point of this is that you should never need another person in your life to know that you are okay. You can take care of yourself and you should never feel like that is impossible. Of course we all need help sometimes, but that doesn’t make us weak or needy, it makes us human. So, whomever you choose to spend your days and nights with is your choice, but never feel that you have to have someone in your life to feel worthy. Self worth comes from inside, not from the musings or gaze of another.

You are worthy

No matter your sex, gender representation, sexual orientation, race, ethnicity, religious affiliation, or level of ability, you are special and worthy. Never let the world make you believe you are not. Society is a tough place for all of us to navigate, but knowing deep down that you are who you were meant to be can go a long way to keeping you healthy and happy. Knowing, also, that you have people that believe in you and know you are who you were meant to be is invaluable. Keep a network of like minded and supportive people around you and you shall never fail.

I could go on all day, but I think you get the gist. Women are just as strong as men and can do anything they set their minds to. As feminists, we need to stick together, stay united in the movement, and push forward toward full equality. Someday, it will be a reality, and in the meantime, keeping the positivity flowing around each and every woman is the only way to find true self worth. We must support one another and keep up the fight.

Peace and Love,
Chantale (aka auntie chanti/hippiegrrl)

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With Liberty and Justice For Some

We live within the confines of our environment. Although there are dreamers amoung us, the majority of the human race just goes with the flow. This is why it is so hard to come up from our country’s racist past. Why is it so difficult to look at a situation and really see it for what it is? Mainly because it is easier not to try and understand the underlying causes of racism. It is easier to just move forward with life, live in a bubble of understanding about our immediate needs, and not question the norm. This is laziness at its finest. True understanding is difficult. It requires hard work and perseverance.

In America we would rather watch reality television and be hyper consumers than think about our history or future. We walk around in a daze, brought on by fast food and the need to pay bills, while ignoring the bigger parts of our being. We miss out on the important things in order to focus on the garbage. The media easily shifts our focus away from wars, in other countries and down the street, by “reporting” on the latest pop culture phenom and his or her fall from the pedestal of fame. We buy in to this focus shift through our own retweeting and sharing of senseless memes, or worse, memes that make fun of marginalized communities. We continue the cycle of nonsense that the major media creates, through social media outlets. This is not to say that we should give up Facebook, twitter, tumblr, Instagram, and everything else online, but that we should be more thoughtful (and, even better, thought provoking) in our interactions on these sites. Social media is a tool for change, but until we focus, it will continue to be taken over by the masses who do not care about real social change.

I suppose this sounds like the rantings of a bitter feminist who does not want anyone to have fun, but that is not the case. We should all be able to have fun. Our lives should be enjoyable and we should, each and every one of us, expect the following things out of life.

1- to be able to have a job that we love, or, if our preference is not to work, to be able to make that happen in our lifetime.
2- to be able to work in an environment free of harassment and maltreatment.
3- to be able to have the family structure that we strive for, without restriction, and all the benefits that come with that family structure.
4- to be able to pursue an education without having to pay off the debt of said education for the rest of our living years.
5- to be able to walk down the street, in any neighbourhood in the country, without being followed or made to feel unsafe and certainly to not be attacked verbally or physically.
6- to be able to make choices about our bodies without the interference of other bodies.
7- to be equal, each of us, all of us.

There are many more ways in which our lives can be enjoyable, but these should be what we expect, at minimum. After the past week of events, it seems that we cannot even have all of the above things fulfilled in this country and that is sad. Pundits are always floating the idea that America is the greatest country in the world, which is, by the way, baseless when you consider all the injustice. Would the greatest country in the world seek to limit the rights of half its population by sneaking through restrictive legislation in secret special sessions? Would that nation allow a young person, who was unarmed, to be brutally killed by an older, armed man, and then put the child’s friends on trial rather than the perpetrator? Would that nation set standards for voting only to revoke those standards 50 years later in the name of progress? Would that nation try to sidestep its racist past by being apologists for a frame of mind that still exists in the southern most reaches of its land mass? No! A great nation would not. On the birthday of our country, it is shameful to see what we do in the name of a great nation. We hurt our own people and we send our citizens to other countries to fight and die for these ideals. What we should be doing is having a very real conversation about equality, in this so called great nation, and how we can truly be a beacon for the world. How we can own up to our past injustice and move forward. How we can lead the charge for human rights by example, not by rhetoric.

When a parent tells a child what to do, maybe the child will do it, maybe they won’t, but when a parent models behaviour to that same child, the child will eventually mirror those behaviours. As a young nation we have had massive growing pains, but it is time now to grow up. To be a decent society that treats all human beings equal. To be the best we can be. I know we have it in us, but we need to bring it out. Bring up the best and call out the worst, then move forward, together. If we need a model, we can always look to an even younger nation to the north. They seem to be moving in the right direction. They stumble at times as well, but they are also pretty damn good at standing up, dusting off, admitting wrong, and moving forward. That should be our goal. Lets make it happen, together.

Peace,
Chantale

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Let’s Talk About Gender (and Media)

Earlier in the week, I posted an article to Facebook, from New York Magazine. It was titled “The Retro Wife”. Maybe you saw my post, or the comments that transpired after the fact, maybe not. Either way, I have decided to get up on my gender studies soapbox and write a post. This is one of the great things about having an online journal. If something sticks with me for more than 24 hours, I can write about it. Good for deconstructing ideas and gathering my thoughts.

Every night, when I settle down to watch my favourite shows, I notice something about the commercials that come between. Even on such progressive networks as MSNBC, there is still an undertone of difference in some of the commercials that are aired by the sponsors. This is something that I find across the board, but let me explain precisely what I mean by undertone of difference.

Commercials advertise products. They have since the beginning of television and before that, businesses used radio, newspapers, magazines, and other forms of media to advertise their products. These products are geared toward demographics, which are made up of specific people. With this in mind, you would not see a tampon commercial that was geared toward cis gendered males, simply because that is not a product they need to use. However, when I say an undertone of difference, I mean that a tampon commercial can play to the stereotypes in our society about menstruation. Just as other commericals play to other stereotypes. This is a marketing strategy that has been used for many decades in advertising and it will continue to move forward in such a way. The undertone of difference creates a problem in society that continually perpetuates. If a product is marketed directly to you and you are being told that you need it because of some thing that is essentialist about your being, that is a problem. Of course, tampons will continue to be marketed to women, but there is a better way to do it than shaming.

For years, I have noticed these things about advertising. Since I was a child, I have felt that undertone of difference while watching television or going to movies. This difference transcends entertainment and moves into the real world when we take the things we learn from media and implement them in our lives. Sociology gave me the terms I needed to better understand the undertones I already sensed. However, it did not alert me to anything I was not already keenly aware of, as a cis gendered female, in American society. For this reason, I have felt the need to speak up. I feel the need to investigate and research and then write down my findings. I feel a push to better understand why there is an undertone of difference in the first place and work toward change.

There are companies that are coming around, slowly but surely. Amazon, a major player in online consumerism, released a commercial, in February of this year, that supports gay marriage. That, in an of itself, is a good thing, but the way that it is presented is even better. It depicts a woman and man sitting in side by side lounge chairs on the beach. The woman is reading on a kindle and the man is using an ipad. The man is struggling to read because of the glare and the woman tells him about how great her kindle is. The man then states “Done!” and proceeds to say he just bought a kindle “let’s celebrate! how about a drink!” The woman says “yes, my husband is bringing me one right now” and the man says “so is mine!” They both turn to see two men at the bar, purchasing beverages.

Now I realize that this is, from a marketing perspective, a way to gain more of the lbgtq community, but it also does something broader. It shows us changing attitudes about the culture. Advertising can, and should, do that. As we move forward into a more equal future for all, advertisers should continue to get on the bandwagon, as Amazon has, and push the envelope. Seeing depictions of oneself in media strengthens the ways in which we interact on a personal and societal level. Moving us forward through messages of positivity is good for our culture as a whole and, at the same time, good for business.

So, when I see products being created like “Bic for her” or “Dr. Pepper Ten” that put people into distinct categories and pit the sexes against each other, I cringe. Honestly, the first time I saw a Dr. Pepper Ten commercial, I thought it was a spoof and at the end they were going to do one of those needle scratch moments and say “Dr. Pepper is for everyone!”. But they didn’t. They just moved along with the same tired trope of making the ten calorie beverage seem more appealing to cis gendered males in a stereotypical way. 2013? Disappointing.

So, where do we go from here? How do we continue the trends of good advertising that cater to ALL people rather than to those who identify as just male or just female? How do we move the media in a way that will also move the culture? That is a work in progress that I believe those people in media who want to move it are doing. Slowly but surely. People like Melissa Harris-Perry and her nerdland staff and places like the Geena Davis Institute on Gender in Media. TV programs like My So-Called Life and Will & Grace that started pushing the envelope and opening the door to equality. Websites such as Feminist Frequency and Feministing that continue to show us how examining and better understanding pop culture, through a feminist lens, is the way to true gender equality. We are moving forward. Change is slow and grueling and although we may not get there in our lifetime, if we could just keep moving forward, leaning in, setting our sights for true equality and moving our ship in that direction, our country can eventually achieve equality of all people. Not just the people that have the loudest voices or a specific set of sex organs, all people.

/soapbox (for now)

Peace,

Chantale

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Why I Am A Feminist

I am a feminist because I believe that people of all genders are equal. All human beings, no matter what gender, race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, or creed, are equal. We all live on the earth and we are all homosapiens. We also all have to perform basic bodily functions, such as eating, sleeping, hydrating, and eliminating waste, on a daily basis. We all need food, clothing, and shelter to survive and we all need the interaction of other human beings in order to thrive. These are basic facts. They are not beliefs and they do not need faith in order to understand them. Human beings of all shapes, sizes, intelligence, and talent are equal. Our actions show us to be leaders or followers, innovators or users, but at the base levels we are all equal.

There is a book that exists that has many stories in it. Many people read this book and make decisions for their lives based on these stories. This is good in practice, for personal growth and development, but when this book is used to tell other people how to live their lives, this is where a line should be drawn. Inequality exists for many reasons, but the main reason, the first reason, is the ways in which this book tells stories concerning roles of the sexes. This book depicts a world where men are in charge and women are merely property. It pushes the ideals of patriarchy which have been detrimental to our collective consciousness. This is why we must set the book aside and enact laws from a state of equality. Pass amendments to insure that all human beings are treated equally under the law and follow through in maintaining these amendments. Women were not made fully equal by the voting rights that were won by those that came before us and fought with all their might to obtain, but by a constant daily struggle toward equality. This also includes the rights of non-cis people who are or will become trans gendered.

Time for a quick gender studies (yay sociology!) lesson: cis is a term used in gender studies to denote those individuals that have sex organs matching their gender orientation. Let me go back another step. The sex of an individual is determined by ones sex organs, the gender is the way they perform their orientation. Even easier, sex equals male/female/intersex, gender equals masculine/feminine/asexual. Sex is related to biology while gender is related to performance.

Example – I have female sex organs, I feel like a woman, I dress the way I want so sometimes I may be performing what society would deem masculinity, but overall my clothing is feminine. This makes me a cis female, meaning my sex organs match my personal identity. If I had female sex organs, but I felt like I should have male sex organs, that would make me trans, but not lesbian. I am only lesbian if I am also attracted to women. If I then go forth and have an operation to become a man, I would be a trans gay man. This makes sense in that they call the surgery reassignment surgery. This means that they are reassigning the sex organs from female to male or vice versa. This does not change the sexual attraction that an individual will feel. This is why we can definitively state that sex organs do not link to attraction. They do not link to gender. They only link to sex assignment and reproduction.

So now that you know what cis and trans mean, let me continue to explain why I am a feminist and will continue to be one throughout my life.

There are young women that feel like feminism is no longer necessary. We can vote and work and now we can fight in wars, so why do we need to keep fighting for equality? Well, it is simple really, complacency. If we put down the struggle and just live our lives, we will find ourselves back in the past quicker than we can blink. Once we settle we sign our inequality warrant. If we do not continue to look at sexism in popular culture, and critique it in order to end it, it will get more out of control than it already is.

This is where I live, feminist-wise. In the land of feminist critical studies. Watching movies and television shows and commercials, reading the latest literature, and then using my pen (or computer keyboard, I suppose) to fight the good fight against misogyny and institutionalized sexism. This may make me a pain to some or a thorn in the side of organized religion, but it is what I must do. Ministers speak of a calling that they have to do gods work, well this is my calling. I am called to right the wrongs of years of oppression by a system that makes us feel like everything will be okay if we just sit down, cross our legs, and shut our mouths. Well, I never cross my legs and I will definitely never shut my mouth. The struggle is long and difficult, but we can muddle through.

Thanks for reading this and please keep coming back. Without you, I have no voice. If you are interested in reading more about cis, trans, gender performance, feminism, and other good stuff, please click on the links below and sign up for some feeds. Information is the best defense against inequality!

Peace,
Chantale

appropriate links:

gender binary primer
who needs feminism? – yeah, that would be everyone
feminist majority foundation – the ms. foundation on the web
feminism in the 21st century – a little piece I wrote in 2003
Judith Butler on Gender Perfomativity – the mother of gender performance discourse
feministing.com – one of my favourite feminist places on the interwebs
sociological images – discourse and visuals
why i’m adding feminist to my online profiles