Category: love

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Pride 2018

It’s June again in America and you know what that means! Pride month! June is the month where we celebrate the strides and remember the struggles (and the folks who have sacrificed their lives) to gain equality for the LGBTQ+ community. The first weekend of the month was Pride in Buffalo and we didn’t get to attend any of the events this year, so when we visit Toronto next month we will be making a special effort to attend at least one event during Pride Toronto.

In the meantime, I wanted to share a couple cool pride inspired things that I have come across online while searching today. Enjoy!

Google sheets celebrates pride:
If you are in the mood for a rainbow flag on your spreadsheet, simply type p r i d e in the first 5 fields of your spreadsheet and wham! bam! rainbow heaven!

Google searches:
When searching for Pride in Toronto, the most awesome header appeared in the search results. Love.

The Free Library of Philadelphia celebrates Pride:
If you are looking for some good LGBTQ+ reads, the free library has you covered!

The Library of Congress 2018 Pride Events page

Pride hashtag on Twitter

I hope you have a wonderful Pride! And if you see any cool online things in your internet travels this month, please share in the comments!

Peace, Chantale (aka hippiegrrl)

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Ghosts

Driving home yesterday, from my writing hours, I heard a gentleman on the radio talking about Western New York ghost tours. This peaked my interest less because of a desire to attend a tour (of which I have zero interest) and more about my previous writing on the subject of ghosts. When I was in the Sociology program, one of my professors had published a book (and has since published a second book) on the subject of memory landscapes and ghosts. He wrote about the things that lurk just under the surface in all of our lives and he encouraged us to write in a similar fashion. During my time in his classes I wrote several pieces about my own encounters with ghosts of the past. The pieces revolved around the people in the spaces, but also about the “marks” those people left behind. My professor was especially interested in these “marks” and how we incorporate them into our own lives.

It seems like forever since I thought about these concepts, but since I graduated (in 2011) I feel like the dots have connected much more often than they did while I was in the classroom. When writing for class, I would often have large lapses of understanding. Completing the readings (or as much of the 200-300 pages per week we were assigned) often left me with a void. My thoughts would wander and I would pull my material from my own surroundings. My writing was riddled with personal memories and less connections were truly being made. Even when I did make a connection, I did not always see the bigger picture of what my writing was revealing.

Now, I am hoping to restart this journey of making connections. Through intentional writing and researching, I hope to be able to continue what I started 8 years ago. My research has languished on a thumb drive and it is ready to be revitalized. I hope that my updates here will serve to push me toward greater output and I also hope that you will join me in my quest to uncover the greater truths in my work. Your responses and criticisms are always welcome and I will receive them with an open mind and heart. As I begin my research again, my posts may be spotty, but I hope to get into a rhythm of posting at least 3 (or more) times per week. This is my goal. Thank you for following along with me.

Peace,

Chantale (aka hippiegrrl)

 

Please comment below and share this column with your friends. We love new (and old) readers!

 

Relevant links:

Soft Arcades

Walter Benjamin, Hannah Arendt, Karl Marx, Judith Lorber, Max Weber, Georg Simmel, Simone de Beauvoir

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Girls and Boys – Perceptions Based On Sex

Note: I wrote this original post in March of 2014 – a few months before I became an Auntie. The writer and I now have a niece, Hannah, a nephew, Timmy, and another niece on the way. Although this post is old it is HIGHLY relevant. Especially right now. So – preface aside – here is my 2 year old post. Thanks for reading!!

 

Very soon I will be an aunt.  It seems odd that it has taken this long, since I am almost 40 years old, but being an only child has precluded me from this title.  Now, the writer’s brother and sister-in-law are going to be parents and the writer and I are going to be the cool uncle and aunt. How could we be anything less?

This week, I read an excellent piece about the struggles of Transgender people and the preconceived notions that those of us who are CIS believe about them. It made me think of how we should be mindful of everyone.  CIS people should not assume that they know anything about trans folks since the media has failed so terribly to depict them in anything but a stereotypical way.  Things will improve with time, but right now we are still behind in our perceptions.

How does this relate to my future niece/nephew and my status as a cool aunt?  As a future Sociologist and a Librarian, I feel that my goal will be to bring awareness to all types of humans.  To help my friends and family, as well as co-workers and acquaintances, come to an understanding of others, no matter what.  This starts at home, in both the actual and metaphorical sense.  Meaning, you don’t have to know someone that is transgender to understand their struggles.  You just need to have compassion and an open minded understanding of the fact that people are different.

Gender representation is constructed.  It is fluid.  How you feel is not how the person next to you feels.  These are facts, not beliefs.  So, with this in mind we must gain the capacity for understanding.  We must give people the space they need to express themselves without fear.  We must get to know each other as humans and act accordingly.

The first step is to stop saying things like, “I don’t BELIEVE that being transgender is real” or “if you are born with boy parts you are a boy, end of story” or, my personal annoying favourite, “if god made you a girl you will always be a girl, even if you change your parts”.  Bullshit, bullshit, and double bullshit.  You can believe anything you want, but your beliefs do not negate the fact that Transgender people do indeed exist.  You can be as stubborn as you want, but learning new things about others is good and, despite your personal belief, will not hurt you.  And don’t even get me started on the religion thing.  If that statement is true, why are there thousands of babies born with ambiguous sex organs?  Why do intersex people exist?  You cannot pray away what is real and true and scientific.

So, having said all that, I hope that my niece is a happy and healthy child. I hope that she is able to understand herself and others through a lens of acceptance and not judgement. I hope that she can be an intelligent being that is willing to listen to others experiences and open to learning new things. With an aunt like me, how could she be anything less than super cool?

Peace, Chantale aka hippiegrrl

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Before and After

Many things have changed over the years, but one thing has always remained constant. I love New York City and I have always thought that I would end up there eventually. There has never been a clear path to this goal, but the thought was always there. Waiting. Running in the background of every decision I have made. Each step has been a step in the direction of NYC.

For the first 21 years of my life I believed that music would get me there. Singing was my ticket in and I would use my talent to carve out a life in the city. What I did not count on was the fact that I have an innate laziness when it comes to keeping up with things such as musical ability. I also did not believe that I could do it, so that stunted my attempts. My threshold for criticism was low and my understanding of my own talent was lacking. To put it another way, I was afraid. Music is all about being judged and I was terribly fearful of not being the best. Although I put forth a pretty laid back attitude, I am a perfectionist and because of this need to be perfect I had a lot of trouble hearing otherwise. Especially in situations where I could hear that others were not up to par but still got parts over me. Musical theatre is a game and the most important part of playing is to know people. If you do not have contacts you can be the best singer in the world and you will never get beyond the open calls. Callbacks are pipe dreams for people without connections.

From the ages of 22-38 I believed that it was more important to save money than to try and go to the city. I thought that once I got out of debt and I was living comfortably an opportunity would present itself. This does not happen. If you want something badly enough you have to go out and grab it. So I languished in Buffalo, moving from job to job thinking that each career move was getting me closer to my goal. During this time I also married the writer and we started discussing what our future would look like, together. At the time of our marriage, he was not too keen on moving anywhere larger than the size of Buffalo, but this was before the trip.

This is where the title comes in. There is a before the trip life and an after the trip life. Before the trip, the writer and I were moving in a direction of a mortgage, two cars paid off, minimal debt, and a possible future adopted family. After the trip we are moving toward the city and all that it entails. Some of the before things could happen, but some will be set aside to make the city happen. This is necessary and makes us both extremely happy. Now that we are in our after trip lives we can see clearly why the city is really the only option. This is giving us the courage and conviction to make it work at any cost.

Here are a few of the before and afters that are really propelling us forward today:

Before the trip the writer had no idea what the city was like.
After the trip he is in love with the city and what it has to offer.

Before the trip our daily work lives were long and arduous.
After the trip daily work is all in the grand scheme of an eventual, mapped out goal, making it easier to get up in the morning and go to the temporary jobs we are currently in. Of course there are still days when we want to throw in the towel, but being that it is after the trip it makes it easier to push through knowing that it will all be worth it in the end.

Before the trip living in the city seemed like a dream that was unattainable.
After the trip living in the city seems less daunting. With hard work and perseverance any dream can come true.

Before the trip the standard conversation had by many WNY residents was believable. The negativity and naysaying was easy to buy into.
After the trip these conversations are more clear. They are ways to stifle those that want to fly free. They are ways to ‘prove’ that moving anywhere, not just the city, is unattainable, but they are wrong. With hard work, perseverance, and a plan, anything is, indeed, possible.

We will prove them wrong. We will make it work. The alternative is a life of languishing in Buffalo, or some other steel town, until death. Not happy. Not true. Not what we want. We will not let the negativity keep us down or hold us back. We are on our way, so watch out!

Peace,
Chantale

What do you come up against when trying to map out your dreams? Let me know in the comments below!

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2014

20 years beyond 1984. What did we think it would be like? Flying cars? Food pellets? Cars that turn into briefcases? Or just Big Brother monitoring our every move?

Well, we got one of those things. Unfortunately, it isn’t any of the cool, techie things that we thought it might be. We got the monitoring without the flying cars. I guess we can at least be happy there are no food pellets. Yet.

And, in reality, it is a techie advancement to be monitored at every move. It is an advancement that we all bought into, whole heartedly, by purchasing phones with GPS and putting our bank accounts on a world wide network that can be accessed by anyone, anywhere, at anytime.

This isn’t meant to create panic, but just to ask, what did we expect? We want convenience and the ability to communicate at a seconds notice, but without all the extra stuff that comes along with it. Yes, that would be nice, but it just is not possible. At least, it is not possible now. It may have been possible in the beginning, but we let it go this way and now there is no turning back.

So be safe out there. 2014 is a whole new year and whole new year’s are a good time to take stock. To look back on the things we did and look forward to the future. It is also a good time to reassess exactly how much of our lives are online and ways in which we can protect ourselves from exposure.

Do you really need those 8 twitter accounts? How about the 3 Facebook accounts you have finagled? Do you need to use google wallet and PayPal? How much information does Amazon really have and do they need it all? These are all valid questions. Your answers are your own, but it is not the worst thing to at least think on them.

I have many areas of presence on the web and for 2014 one of my goals is to decrease the amount of exposure I have. At the end of 2013, my email was hacked and, with that, so too was my main twitter account. This was annoying and cumbersome to relieve. Although it did not spiral into something more, it certainly made me sstop and take stock of my online presence. It also forced me to make up better passwords. And so, it could be as easy as that. Change up your passwords. Make them so tough that you might not even remember them. As long as you have a method of reset, you are good to go.

So, good luck out there and remember. This is what we wanted, but it does not have to be the only way. We have the power to make our online experience exactly what we want it to be. Just like life, our online presence should reflect who we actuallly are. It should have openness and security at the same time. It should be a reflection of who we are as humans and we should keep it safe. I like to remember that movie the net as my reference for what could be. Let’s not let it get there, shall we?

Peace,
Chantale

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The Scene That Was

“Through the fear of being real, through the fear of being really you…”  Tones on Tail – Go!

When I was in college (the first time around, in the 90’s) I spent most of my time doing only a few things.  Singing, drinking coffee, working a crap job or two in the customer service industry, and going to bars.  Since then, not much has changed, but the frequency at which I do these things has.  I am a once every couple weeks bar attendee now.  My 38 year old body cannot handle the drinking that my 20 year old body could.  It takes me several days to recover from a really crazy night, and now that I have more important goals, it depresses me to no end when I am distracted from work because of this kind of stupid sickness.  That is why last night was such a big deal.

“When the world is too much with me.  Please leave, just go away. Now nothing’s sacred anymore. When the demons breaking down your door. You’re still staring down at the floor.” The Chameleons UK – Swamp Thing

The club was packed.  Wall to wall people after only a short time open and they mostly stuck it out until the end.  I knew it would be well attended, but I had no idea it would be THIS full.  This, was the Continental Reunion at the Town Ballroom.  Ides of March be damned, we came to party!  It struck me instantly upon walking in, as “Head Like A Hole” blared from the room that was deemed “upstairs” that this would be a great night.  If all the people that were in attendance at this reunion were all at the continental together, at the same time, Jessie would have had to start making people wait in a rope line.  Not even half of the people there would have fit inside the continental.  Although it was good to have such a large venue to hold the event, one always wishes they could be in the original building.  Alas, the building is gone, but the memories live on.

“Hear the crushing steel, feel the steering wheel…” The Normal – Warm Leatherette

The screens were playing videos with neon swooshes over them, just like they used to.  After spending a bit of time dancing in the “upstairs” room (Nitzer Ebb, Ministry, Sisters of Mercy) we made our way back through the crowd to the concert venue.  As we walked through the doors and up the small staircase the first sight was the sign from the stage.  Bud must have kept it and there it was in all it’s glory – THE CONTINENTAL – we are back.

“The world. The world turns around.  And the world and the world, yeah. The world drags me down.” The Cult – She Sells Sanctuary

The Continental was not just a bar and we honestly do not need the space to bring the scene back to life.  Yes, the place itself is missed, but the memories and the people that still persist are all we need to have a proper Continental in 2013.  Last night was proof.  The smell of clove cigarettes, incense, sweat, and pizza that hit you when you walk through the doors was EXACTLY the same as 1995 or 1985.  The people dancing with themselves on the dance floor (even without mirrors and lighted ceiling) paint a picture of the original place.  The music blaring from the speakers in all the areas of the club, bring back a flood of late nights spent traipsing up and down the staircase, from the concert downstairs and the favourite bartender to the dance floor upstairs with the excellent dj to the elevated patio that could disassemble and send us plunging to our deaths at any moment.  The music persists.  The senses take in all that was and still is, through the people that lived it and continue on.

“This is the only time I really feel alive.”  nine inch nails – the only time

If we could do this every year, it would do us all good.  The generations that attended the Continental are now ranging in age from late 30’s to early 60’s (with a sprinkling of younger and older for good measure) and we cannot keep up the outings to a club the way we used to.  Sure, maybe happy hour on Fridays, but 4 or 5 nights a week until 4am?  Not gonna happen.  But one weekend in March every year, that is totally doable.  One weekend to bring back the music, the dancing, the drinking, the community.  In the end that is what it is really all about.  Community.  We still have it, we just do not have a space like the Continental to gather.  Technology has changed the ways in which we interact and that is why Generation x was the last to really enjoy venues like the Continental.  We still liked to gather and interact with each other in the real world.  That meant everything to us.  To feel a connection with another person, or with a song, or with a place.  Not just a computer.

“No party she’d not attend. No invitation she wouldn’t send. Transfixed by the inner sound of your promise to be found.” Siouxsie and the Banshees – Kiss Them For Me

Don’t get me wrong – I love the internet as much as anyone, maybe even more, but I also love to gather in public with other humans.  Sounds trivial, but true.  To be in public, having a discourse, sharing a meal, sharing a glass of wine, sharing our lives – this is what gathering is about.  Chatting online and on mobile phones is convenient, but nothing replaces in person communication.  Nothing replaces dancing on a floor that is jam packed.  Nothing replaces that feeling of oneness when everyone moves in unison to that one specific part of the song – “so what!”.  Nothing replaces screaming the lyrics out at the top of your lungs with every other person around you.  Nothing replaces interaction, reaction.  Nothing.  And it never will.  So – where is the next Continental?  Where is that place that those of us who are not that young anymore can gather to really feel alive and as one?  I don’t have an answer for you now, but I hope to find it soon.  Otherwise, the writer and I might be hightailing it out of Buffalo once we get our ultimate degrees.  Move to a place that feels like we can be a part of the community.  We want for that place to be Buffalo and after last night there is a glimmer of hope.  Keep the dream alive.

“Why can’t I live a life for me? Why should I take the abuse that’s served? Why can’t they see they’re just like me? It’s the same, it’s the same in the whole wide world.” Every Day Is Halloween – Ministry

Peace,

Chantale

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Creativity

Over the years I have lost sight of my creativity. It still exists and once in a while I use it, but overall I feel like the day to day creative is gone.  Music, writing, web design, dance, beading, barista.  There are so many creative ways in which I am able to express myself, but I tend to put all those creative outlets on hold for work.  Work that is boring and droll, but necessary.  If only there were ways to take my creativity and parlay it into a career.

I know what you are thinking – there are plenty of creative opportunities in the world.  Why have I not pursued them?  One word – debt.  The debt of credit cards and the debt of schools and the debt of cars and insurance and life.  Debt has kept me in banks and kitchens for the past 10 years.  I am on the road to debt freedom though and hopefully when I reach the end I will be able to be free to work on creative things.  Free to live a creative life without the demands that debt brings.

So, you may ask, what is the goal and how can I achieve it?  I have decided that a list is the best way to map out the road ahead and have accountability.  Also, I love lists.  So here goes…

1. Write a little everyday – this is a goal that I have set for myself many times over and it seems to fall to the wayside.  Not because I do not have time to write, but because I choose not to make time.  When I come home from work, I usually take a shower, eat dinner and then fall into a vegetative state on the couch until bedtime.  This is not what I should be doing.  Each day I should be writing a little bit for my future.  Each day I should increase the output until I am writing full columns for magazines or articles for journals or a book.  So, the goal begins with writing a little everyday and work up to writing all day, everyday, as a career.

2. Bead once a week – beading is another activity that has been placed on the back burner in order to do other things.  These other things are not career things, but lazy things.  Watching television or surfing facebook or playing online games.  Not that these activities should disappear entirely, but certainly be done less.  Beading is something I can also do as a career in the future.  I have always been in touch with online crafters, but have never fully put my own work out there.  Believing that it can be sold and that it is worthy of a price tag is step one, but once I can overcome the pricing dilemma the rest is cake.  Make necklaces, take pics, put on etsy, sell to happy buyers. This is a small thing, but it could help me to be able to make a little extra money toward debt and get me closer to the finish line.

3. Join a choir and practice – singing is something I did every single day for 5 years of my life and then it just stopped.  School was a motivating factor for me.  I was a voice major (mezzo-soprano) so I had to be on top of my game.  I needed to do a good job in front of the crowds so I practiced (a bit) and I improved day to day.  Since graduating, in 1997, I have let that part of my life slip into the background.  Yes, I joined an alumni choir and did a bit of singing for a couple years with them, but nothing like the every day practice that I used to have when I was enrolled in several music ensembles a semester.  Singing in the shower and the car does not count!  I must join a community of singers to be fully engaged in the practice.

4. Practice dance and/or yoga 3 times per week – this goal covers to things for me, creativity and health.  I have let myself go over the past 10 years.  My turn around, physically, began when I quit smoking.  It has been almost 4 years since that event and at the time I vowed to also get into shape.  At the time of quitting cigarettes I felt that I needed to give myself some time to be fully into non-smoking before trying to exercise or diet.  This past summer has motivated me to be moving more, if only by the nature of my job in a kitchen/deli.  I do not have time to sit as much as I did in school or at the banks, so I have started to lose weight.  I also have a Wii sitting idle, waiting for me to return to the fit program and do a little yoga, so that is what I must do.  Yoga a couple times per week and tap dancing on the weekends.  This is also a nice way to visit with my mom and get us both up and moving a little.

5. Create a better path for web design in my future – my current MLS program is helping me to better understand the nature of information and how we share knowledge.  Within this program there is an outlet for web developers to be emerging tech librarians.  This is the path that I hope to pursue.  With this goal in mind, at the end of my program I will be able to work in a library setting, at a help desk or on a creative team, focusing on web development and content creation.  Being a web developer has been a dream of mine since I was 10 years old and went to computer camp.  Back then the web did not exist, but the beginnings of it did and for a kid that love to write lines of code (I know, nerd) the future was bright.

6. Leave food service, but retain my barista roots – there will always be a tug at my coat tails from the coffeehouse industry.  It is a “what if” that I will always wonder about. What if I opened my own place?  Would it be profitable?  Would it bomb?  In the end it is really all about the coffee and not about the business itself.  So, in order to retain this passion, I will research coffee and write about it.  I will go to coffeehouses as a recreational activity (as I already do) and I will enjoy my espresso without the worry of projection analysis and profit margins.  Coffee is something that I love and leaving it up to others to make money is the best option for me.  Enjoying it at home or in a cafe is something I can do without jumping in to another business and leaving behind the other parts of my creative life.

I have taken a couple detours on the road to success, but now I feel my path has straightened and I can move forward knowing that in the end I will be able to write, read, code, design, sing, dance, bead, and drink java within the scope of also making money and having less debt.  Tall order, but I am going to try my best to make it happen.  All it takes is a little creativity.

Peace,

Chantale (aka hippiegrrl)

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