Tag: life

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Sociology, Libraries, and Life

In 2009, I made the decision to return to school and obtain a second Bachelor of Arts degree in Sociology. This time I would apply myself. I would study and try my best not to procrastinate. I would work as a volunteer and devote myself to causes within the major. I would work on a research project and continue on into a PhD program. My goal, at the time, was to move forward into the world of academia and become a Sociology Professor.

From the moment I stepped into my first Sex and Gender class I was hooked. From there I took classes on social movements, race and class, ethnography, emotions, environmental sociology, power, research methods (qualitative and quantitative), and many other topics within the realm of social science. I had made a pact with myself that since this was a second bachelors degree I would not spend more than 2 years at the school. I had already obtained a BA from the same school and so I was not required to take many of the core classes that I took the first time around. This meant that my course of study was very specific to sociology (with a bit of anthropology thrown in for good measure – could never stay away from Dr. Fish!) and allowed me to be immersed in the subject matter. I began my studies in January of 2009 and I completed the program in May of 2011. This meant that I attended 5 semesters, but I still felt like it was a whirlwind experience.

This time in my life was somewhat tumultuous for several reasons. First, my Papa passed away suddenly in February of 2007. We were extremely grief stricken as a family, but had to keep moving forward for my Nana. In September of 2007, the job that I had worked my way up to over the course of 6 1/2 years was coming to a close as the bank I worked for was being bought out by another local bank. This meant that in February of 2008 I would be out of work. It was difficult, but not impossible as the writer had a full time teaching job and we felt like we were okay. I was given a severance package and immediate unemployment and worked until the very last moment – making me the proverbial “last one out turn off the lights” person at GBSB. It was sad, but freeing. Knowing that I would be losing my job in February, I decided that instead of continuing on in the banking world, I would go to the Small Business Association and get a loan to open a coffeehouse. I started working on that dream in October of 2007 and continued into a small business education program, run by the city of Buffalo, in January of 2008. During the planning stage, I was very optimistic. I had worked in coffeehouses on and off in my 20s and felt like this would be an excellent way to move into my 30s.

Then, in April of 2008, my Nana passed away. This was very difficult for me. We had only just lost Papa a year earlier and now we were losing Nana too. I was closer to nobody else in the world and they practically raised me alongside my own parents. The loss was great. My mom is a determined woman and although she was grieving for both of her parents, she got us through the funeral and moved us toward getting the house in order. We worked, through the summer of 2008, clearing and cleaning out the house and at the end of the summer it was sold. The Autumn holidays were the most difficult that year because Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas were my Nana’s favourites. Any day that brought her family together to visit, eat, talk, and sometimes yell and scream (as any self respecting Italian or Southern family does) was a good day for her, and the holidays were the absolute best. It felt like time stopped on April 4th and didn’t restart until after the New Year. Although it has been over 8 years, it is still difficult to think of them being gone. There are still mornings that I wake up and forget for a moment that they are not available to talk to. I will think of something to tell one or both of them and then remember they are not there anymore. Time numbs the pain, but it never fully goes away.

During the Autumn of 2008, I decided that I was going to stop pursuing the coffeehouse idea and started looking at schools. I navigated to the website for my Alma mater (Buffalo State College) and searched through several programs until I stumbled on Sociology. Since I had already obtained a degree from the school, the admission process was quick. I was admitted for Spring 2009 and thus began my journey into Sociology. So now, here I sit, 5 years beyond graduation, a Masters degree in Library Science also in my bag of tricks (obtained in a slightly longer time frame, but still useful) and a job at a software company.

So, what’s next? Where can I go with a BA in Music, a BA in Sociology, and an MS in Library and Information Science? Academia? That’s the goal, but we will see what happens. The writer completed a PhD in the last 5 years as well, and he is currently searching for a full time professor gig. We are hopeful that our degrees will allow us to move somewhere new and start a new chapter in our lives. My dream, now (and it could change at any moment) is to start off as a reference and/or research librarian in a University and then move into a PhD program. This is all contingent on our physical location in the next 5 years.

At the end of it all, I really just want to write. Helping others understand Sociological concepts and constructs would also be awesome, but if I have to do that through a library rather than a classroom I will be content. As long as my future profession involves reading and writing I will be happy. Oh – and the ability to work from the neighbourhood coffeehouse sometimes would definitely be a bonus. Writing and research – mobile employment – that is the way to go.

Peace,

Chantale (aka hippiegrrl)

 

What dreams did you have, as a teen or 20-something, that you still need to achieve? Tell me about it in the comments! And please share with your friends. We love opinions and constructive criticism!

 

Appropriate links:

How to Craft a New Career from aarp.org
Six Steps To Reinvent Your Career After A Major Life Change from forbes.com
Best Graduate Schools 2017 from US News & World Report

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Before and After

Many things have changed over the years, but one thing has always remained constant. I love New York City and I have always thought that I would end up there eventually. There has never been a clear path to this goal, but the thought was always there. Waiting. Running in the background of every decision I have made. Each step has been a step in the direction of NYC.

For the first 21 years of my life I believed that music would get me there. Singing was my ticket in and I would use my talent to carve out a life in the city. What I did not count on was the fact that I have an innate laziness when it comes to keeping up with things such as musical ability. I also did not believe that I could do it, so that stunted my attempts. My threshold for criticism was low and my understanding of my own talent was lacking. To put it another way, I was afraid. Music is all about being judged and I was terribly fearful of not being the best. Although I put forth a pretty laid back attitude, I am a perfectionist and because of this need to be perfect I had a lot of trouble hearing otherwise. Especially in situations where I could hear that others were not up to par but still got parts over me. Musical theatre is a game and the most important part of playing is to know people. If you do not have contacts you can be the best singer in the world and you will never get beyond the open calls. Callbacks are pipe dreams for people without connections.

From the ages of 22-38 I believed that it was more important to save money than to try and go to the city. I thought that once I got out of debt and I was living comfortably an opportunity would present itself. This does not happen. If you want something badly enough you have to go out and grab it. So I languished in Buffalo, moving from job to job thinking that each career move was getting me closer to my goal. During this time I also married the writer and we started discussing what our future would look like, together. At the time of our marriage, he was not too keen on moving anywhere larger than the size of Buffalo, but this was before the trip.

This is where the title comes in. There is a before the trip life and an after the trip life. Before the trip, the writer and I were moving in a direction of a mortgage, two cars paid off, minimal debt, and a possible future adopted family. After the trip we are moving toward the city and all that it entails. Some of the before things could happen, but some will be set aside to make the city happen. This is necessary and makes us both extremely happy. Now that we are in our after trip lives we can see clearly why the city is really the only option. This is giving us the courage and conviction to make it work at any cost.

Here are a few of the before and afters that are really propelling us forward today:

Before the trip the writer had no idea what the city was like.
After the trip he is in love with the city and what it has to offer.

Before the trip our daily work lives were long and arduous.
After the trip daily work is all in the grand scheme of an eventual, mapped out goal, making it easier to get up in the morning and go to the temporary jobs we are currently in. Of course there are still days when we want to throw in the towel, but being that it is after the trip it makes it easier to push through knowing that it will all be worth it in the end.

Before the trip living in the city seemed like a dream that was unattainable.
After the trip living in the city seems less daunting. With hard work and perseverance any dream can come true.

Before the trip the standard conversation had by many WNY residents was believable. The negativity and naysaying was easy to buy into.
After the trip these conversations are more clear. They are ways to stifle those that want to fly free. They are ways to ‘prove’ that moving anywhere, not just the city, is unattainable, but they are wrong. With hard work, perseverance, and a plan, anything is, indeed, possible.

We will prove them wrong. We will make it work. The alternative is a life of languishing in Buffalo, or some other steel town, until death. Not happy. Not true. Not what we want. We will not let the negativity keep us down or hold us back. We are on our way, so watch out!

Peace,
Chantale

What do you come up against when trying to map out your dreams? Let me know in the comments below!

If you enjoyed this post, please pass it along to friend and foe alike. We love discourse!

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What Is Success?

Throughout my life I have had many different understandings of what success should look like. I have been able to see success through the lens of how other people achieve things, but never really see that in myself.

When I was a teenager, I thought success was connected to fame. I wanted to sing and dance on Broadway and I thought that if I could just get on any stage, in any role, I would be successful. I did not have to be the lead, just in the show. Success was something that would only come with practice and sweat. Working my ass off was the only way to get there and I felt somewhat lazy when I started putting on weight and trailing off on my practice regimen. Through my college career my focus shifted away from Broadway shows and on to Opera (not by my personal choice, but by the choice of my voice professor who would have “none of that belting in my rehearsal space!”) This shift made me start to see success as something else entirely. Something less tangible. I did not want to be a Diva, so I scraped the whole performance thing and moved on.

After graduating with my music degree my goal was to move out on my own. Success, it seemed, was living in my own apartment and working a full time job that could afford me the ability to go out to eat and still pay the bills. This definition of success seems to have been the one that has stuck with me the longest as I still have this idea in my head that I need to be able to consistently support myself, and anyone else that lives with me, with the basic necessities. This is a much lower bar compared to my teenage idea of success, but it works.

Next month I will be 40 years old, as you already know since I like to mention it often. With entry into this new decade I feel that I am long overdue for a refresh of my idea of success. Armed with 2 bachelors degree, in music and sociology, and a pending masters degree in library science, I am ready to look toward a future that I had not imagined when I was in my 20’s. Writing has always been something I love to do and something that often gets sidelined for whatever other task is necessary in the moment. The only time I really was able to concentrate on writing was when I was doing research in my Sociology program. Being able to observe, read, research, and write was something I loved doing and this is what I believe success looks like for my future. Whether that is within the walls of a library at an academic institution or in a small writing group at the local literary organization, I need to find a place to be able to do these 4 mentioned things and I will feel successful. If I can get paid to do them as well, that will be a bonus.

The lesson learned from this reassessment of success is that it does not have to be tied up with jobs or money. It can be personal success. Setting goals and achieving them. Doing things that make me happy and still being able to pay the bills. Living somewhere that I have only ever dreamed of living and being able to make it. These are the things that truly make up my new definition of success. The writer and I are moving toward it now in a new and different way and within the next 5 to 10 years I can see it happening. As long as we both work hard and push ourselves to new levels, we will be successful in a way that makes us content and that is the best definition of success anyone can hope for.

Peace, Chantale

What is your idea of success? Share with me in the comments!

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Looking Inward

This is the year of 40. Although it does not happen until nearly the end, it is colouring all my decisions. It sounds like a sad occasion, but it is not. 40 has given me a clarity I did not realize I could have. My experiences leading up to this milestone birthday are helping me make key decisions for life going forward.

So what have I learned? Here are some of the highlights.

1. I have the ability to shape my future to my liking, without the voices in my head that say otherwise.
2. I can overcome negativity, rise above it, and be a better human.
3. I can live anywhere in the country (or world) and be happy. My location on the planet does not determine my mental state.
4. My talents can be combined to make a kick ass career, if I just apply myself to the future.
5. I do not need to have children to feel fulfilled.
6. My life will mean something only if I make a difference for others while I am here on this rock.
7. The life I thought I was supposed to live should never hold me back from the possibilities of the future.

A key concept that I have decided to pursue in order to make the future bright involves modifying my state of mind. Here is my plan to gain clarity and move forward. This can be useful for so many of us and I wish that I had been presented with it at a young age. It is not about being selfish, but mindful.

First, block off a minimum of 15 minutes, uninterrupted. Be sure to have paper and a pen or pencil, whichever you prefer. Find a comfortable spot to sit where you can reflect and write. Once you are settled begin by writing down your top dream in life. What did you want to do when you were growing up? It can be the most impossible dream ever, but you should still write it down. When you are considering this dream, do not veer off into blame or negativity. Do not think of the reasons why you did not fully pursue the dream, just simply consider it.

Now think about where you are currently. What is your situation? Do you have bills and a family? Do you have a job you love or a job you hate? Are you in a slump? Write this down.

Next, think about what you would do to change your current situation to make it happy for you. This is difficult, but during this portion of the exercise do not think of others. Only focus on you. In a world where you are on your own, with no obligations or restrictions, what would you do? Would you pursue your previous dream or would you create a whole new dream? Would you move to a new city or would you stay where you are? If no other human beings were involved in your decision making, what would you do? Write this down.

Last, think in practical terms. If you were to pursue this new (or old) dream, what would you need to do to make it happen? Would you need to take classes? Would you need to travel? Would you need to get better organized or would you simply have to just get started? Write down the steps you need to take to make this dream a reality. Again, do this without consideration for others.

Now, I realize this might seem like a self centered exercise and, in fact, it totally is, but that is the point. If you do not take the time to sit and think about your own goals and dreams, you will never seek to achieve beyond your current state. You will continue to live in the past, hold grudges, grip tight to the things you have that you think make you who you are, and never leave your comfort zone. This exercise does not have to result in a full life change, but it simply gives you clarity and, perhaps, a plan to move forward. Having self awareness and self reliance are important parts of being a functioning human. Being able to move forward with positivity is the goal. Whether you stay where you are in life or move on, as long as you gain an inner peace, this exercise was successful. Releasing the past is key to moving forward.

I hope this is as useful to you as it has been for me. I find that doing this exercise every couple months can help me to refocus my goals. I may not get to my ultimate dream, but I will get closer than I would if I chose to never consider my own needs and wants. It also gives me the clarity to make my five year plans and move forward toward those larger life goals. Let me know what you think in the comments.

Peace,
Chantale

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The Future of Feminism

The future is bright for those in the feminist movement but our work is never done.  With that in mind, I feel it is a good time to put down my thoughts on the future of feminism and the next generation (are we going to call them 4th wavers?) of women and men that will keep the movement strong.  One of those women will be my niece.  She is yet to be born, but I vow to be a good influence on her sense of self worth and equality.

Here are some of the things I hope for her, and all women growing up in the coming years, decades, and centuries.  This is as close as I will ever get to words of wisdom, so I hope they are taken in the spirit they were intended. Keep them in context and understand that I say the following out of love and commitment to the movement and all those that will carry on the legacy.

Always know who you are and don’t let others bring you down

This is a tall order as society places many restrictions on a woman’s sense of worth.  We have to fight every day to feel good about ourselves, beginning with the way we look when we leave the house, to the things we do once we are out there in the world.  Men do not encounter the level of scrutiny that women do when it comes to appearance and choice of task (whether it be staying home with children or taking the business world by storm.)  At the end of it all, we must know ourselves and our own personal strengths and limitations.  These must be learned through our autonomy as humans and never fostered by negativity from outside.  Be you.  Let the negativity roll off your back and march ever forward.  The only opinion that matters is your own.

The choice is yours

Your body is your own and nobody can make choices for you. You must choose for yourself. Do not misconstrue this to mean that you are alone in the world for you are not. There is always someone there for you no matter the situation. In my life, I will always be the open minded and honest hearted person who will support my niece (and every other woman in my circle of family and friends) NO MATTER WHAT their choices are.

You don’t have to smile if you don’t want to

On too many occasions in life, I have been told to smile. This is my face and I don’t have to be happy to make you feel okay about yourself. This is actually a pretty common theme. If women do not make themselves into something that can be well presented to the world, they are looked down upon. When women don’t wear makeup or don’t have perfectly coifed hair, when they don’t make themselves appear to be happy even when they are not, they are thought to be assaulting others with their lack of “upkeep”. This, I must say, is bullshit. We should be able to look and feel any way we want without criticism or complaint. This is who we are and we will continue to live strong, healthy lives whether we smile or not.

Being smart is cool

There will be times in your life when you are made to feel too smart. As if women who are smart somehow make men feel inferiour. Well, I have two things to say to that; first it is nonsense and second, even if it is true, so what? Men have made women feel inferiour for eons for a million little things, so maybe this isn’t such a bad thing. If a smart woman makes you feel inferiour, maybe you need to assess yourself rather than turning it back on her. Smart is awesome and there is no reason to dumb yourself down for anyone, especially not a man.

You don’t need to be in a relationship to be happy

This does not mean that you should be alone. Having a significant other is a wonderful experience, but not for everyone. The point of this is that you should never need another person in your life to know that you are okay. You can take care of yourself and you should never feel like that is impossible. Of course we all need help sometimes, but that doesn’t make us weak or needy, it makes us human. So, whomever you choose to spend your days and nights with is your choice, but never feel that you have to have someone in your life to feel worthy. Self worth comes from inside, not from the musings or gaze of another.

You are worthy

No matter your sex, gender representation, sexual orientation, race, ethnicity, religious affiliation, or level of ability, you are special and worthy. Never let the world make you believe you are not. Society is a tough place for all of us to navigate, but knowing deep down that you are who you were meant to be can go a long way to keeping you healthy and happy. Knowing, also, that you have people that believe in you and know you are who you were meant to be is invaluable. Keep a network of like minded and supportive people around you and you shall never fail.

I could go on all day, but I think you get the gist. Women are just as strong as men and can do anything they set their minds to. As feminists, we need to stick together, stay united in the movement, and push forward toward full equality. Someday, it will be a reality, and in the meantime, keeping the positivity flowing around each and every woman is the only way to find true self worth. We must support one another and keep up the fight.

Peace and Love,
Chantale (aka auntie chanti/hippiegrrl)

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2014

20 years beyond 1984. What did we think it would be like? Flying cars? Food pellets? Cars that turn into briefcases? Or just Big Brother monitoring our every move?

Well, we got one of those things. Unfortunately, it isn’t any of the cool, techie things that we thought it might be. We got the monitoring without the flying cars. I guess we can at least be happy there are no food pellets. Yet.

And, in reality, it is a techie advancement to be monitored at every move. It is an advancement that we all bought into, whole heartedly, by purchasing phones with GPS and putting our bank accounts on a world wide network that can be accessed by anyone, anywhere, at anytime.

This isn’t meant to create panic, but just to ask, what did we expect? We want convenience and the ability to communicate at a seconds notice, but without all the extra stuff that comes along with it. Yes, that would be nice, but it just is not possible. At least, it is not possible now. It may have been possible in the beginning, but we let it go this way and now there is no turning back.

So be safe out there. 2014 is a whole new year and whole new year’s are a good time to take stock. To look back on the things we did and look forward to the future. It is also a good time to reassess exactly how much of our lives are online and ways in which we can protect ourselves from exposure.

Do you really need those 8 twitter accounts? How about the 3 Facebook accounts you have finagled? Do you need to use google wallet and PayPal? How much information does Amazon really have and do they need it all? These are all valid questions. Your answers are your own, but it is not the worst thing to at least think on them.

I have many areas of presence on the web and for 2014 one of my goals is to decrease the amount of exposure I have. At the end of 2013, my email was hacked and, with that, so too was my main twitter account. This was annoying and cumbersome to relieve. Although it did not spiral into something more, it certainly made me sstop and take stock of my online presence. It also forced me to make up better passwords. And so, it could be as easy as that. Change up your passwords. Make them so tough that you might not even remember them. As long as you have a method of reset, you are good to go.

So, good luck out there and remember. This is what we wanted, but it does not have to be the only way. We have the power to make our online experience exactly what we want it to be. Just like life, our online presence should reflect who we actuallly are. It should have openness and security at the same time. It should be a reflection of who we are as humans and we should keep it safe. I like to remember that movie the net as my reference for what could be. Let’s not let it get there, shall we?

Peace,
Chantale

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Being Bohemian

While walking through our favourite neighbourhood in Toronto, the writer and I strike up a conversation about bohemianism. I contend that he could “never be truly bohemian. Never just get up one morning, pack two bags, and leave.” By which he responds – “I could if there was a list and a plan” (presumably written before bed the night before this fictional exodus.) Precisely. True bohemianism is hard work for those of us tied to things. It is difficult just due to the virtual connections we have established throughout the last decade. Purchasing cell phones and beginning email relationships with family members has complicated the ideal of the road. To travel with two suitcases, sans electronic equipment, is absurd. To be untethered from technology seems impossible, even though it was the norm ten or fifteen years ago. It would certainly be liberating to unplug, but also scary as it denotes a trip into the unknown. Joblessness, low funds, and repossession may be the only facilitators of this life that used to be something to aspire to. With age comes containment and debt ties us to an address.

 

So how would one do it? Disconnect from the grid and the money system and be a drifter. Can drifters be married to one another? Or to non-drifters? Can drifters have computers or would the typewriter come back into fashion? What about phone communication? The world has been accelerated in such a way that it seems nearly impossible to not be “online”. But, being offline, if only for a short time, may be a soothing change. Being unreachable, except by home phone or letter would be refreshing. However – being a “true” bohemian is about doing what one wants to do regardless of societal norms. It isn’t about running from debt or unplugging, but just being.

 

If this is the case – to just be is the goal – how is this achieved? What of those that are perceived as bohemian, but have an address? Those that are professors, but still have the mindset of a free spirit? How is bohemianism rationalized within society and, more closely, in the realm of education. Without bohemianism we would have no art or music teachers. Without the free spirit streak we would lose poetry and prose and have to learn how to be content without the arts in our lives. After a few generations, this would be normalized, but in the interim it would be a sad state of affairs. Living through the removal of the arts in the public school system, I can see this trend beginning. Creating little beings that are only trained to work for others and never even know about the life of the mind. Training children to simply strive for money and not worry about the “frivolous” things such as art, dance, music and such. Bleak future.

 

But this is not how it has to be. We can keep the bohemian ethic alive in our public life. Being bohemian isn’t about how you dress or act. Being bohemian is a state of mind. Do you care about the future of art, literature, and culture? Do you want to live in a world that is full and rich, where people are able to be free from the chains that bind them and move forward with love and trust? How can we keep this feeling alive? How, in the midst of gentrification in the name of neighbourhood improvement, can we continue to save our culture from sameness?

 

In Buffalo, we have a bohemian atmosphere that continues to surface and thrive, despite the push toward yuppie values. The bohemian ethic thrives in neighbourhoods that tend to be lower income and once those neighbourhoods gentrify, the bohemians move elsewhere. We need to find a a way to retain the bohemian element within a gentrified land. Buffalo is changing rapidly, and if we don’t find a way to retain the bohemian mindset, it could go the way of disco. A fad of hippie idealism that dissipates with the wrecking ball. Hoping that this will not happen is not enough. We need to push forward and continue to keep the bohemian community alive through art, music, culture, and coffee. This is the only way to hang on to the diversity and spirit that comes with the bohemian ethic. Otherwise, Buffalo will be a sanitized yuppie heaven without style and tradition. Keep Buffalo weird!

 

Peace,
Chantale

If you enjoyed this article, please pass it along! Sharing is super bohemian.

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The Internet and Procrastination

I start off on a good note. Looking things up. Reading articles. Doing schoolwork. And then, all of a sudden, something happens. Like a shiny coin in the corner of a webpage, I see a link that takes me away from my original thought. I follow this link and begin reading other articles. Eventually, an hour later, I realize that I am off on a completely different track than where I began. So is the nature of the Internet. So much stuff, so little time. It would be nice to take it all in and get things accomplished, but I feel like only 30% of my time on the computer is productive. The Internet is the best place for a procrastinator. Even as I am in the middle of doing actual coding homework, I get side tracked and end up doing something other than what I began with. Is this so for others? Or am I just bad at keeping on task? Share with me. Tell me your thoughts…

Peace,
Chantale

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Singing as Therapy

Back in the day, when I was in college the first time, I used to be able to work two part time jobs while I was studying. This was partly due to the major that I had chosen. See, even though I loved school, I didn’t really care about going to college. My mother was on my case about it and so I chose the easiest school to get in and the least difficult (for me at least) major. Playing instruments, singing, studying theory, practicing. These were all things that I had been doing since I was 3 years old. Some things (practicing for one) I did grudgingly. My mother had to set the oven timer to thirty minutes in order to keep me seated at the piano for at least that long. This would change in college where, when I was supposed to be practicing my singing, I would sit in the practice room for hours upon hours playing the piano. I guess it was a case of me wanting to do what I wanted to do. Per usual. Just like everything else in my life, if someone said I had to do something, I would choose to do something else. Music was not immune to this attitude.

Something I have come to find out in the past month is that no matter what, music is a saving grace for me. If I feel tired or sad or mad or agitated, I can sit at the piano, play a tune and feel better. It is really the best therapy. I inherited a piano from my maternal grandmother (Nana) that has brought many things to my abode. If I want to have a good cry, all I have to do is sit down at the piano and play “Blue Butterflies” and the waterworks start. I have been able to cry a little less with each rendition, but it still provides a release. I can think about how much I miss my Nana and Papa and the music gives me the push to let it go. After a good cry I like to sing a few tunes, usually of the operatic version, and this perks me up again. The piano also brings with it many memories of lessons (mine and other students) and holidays when the family would want me to play. Of days when I would visit and give in to or deny the request to play. It helps me to remember good times, but also times when I could have been quite a bit nicer. What is one song, really, in the grand scheme of things. Now I wish that I could play one more song on this piano, in the old house. And so it goes.

Music is like a drug. It can be an upper, downer, or maintainer. In college, it served as an escape. Forced rehearsals turned into wonderful occasions when the chorus sounded just right. When everyone was in tune and sounding glorious, it could truly lift ones mood. The addition of massive amounts of caffeine probably also had a lot to do with the up mood, but I am going to give music all the credit. Being in a show or chorus or band is an experience that everyone should be able to partake in at some point in their lives. It is cheaper than therapy and gives one the same outlet. In fact, it is sometimes even better, when you get to play out a “character” that is close to your own personality. Working out your issues on the stage is the ultimate in self absorption and whom but the self absorbed needs therapy? Try it, you will not be disappointed.

Peace,
Chantale

Appropriate links:

music therapy association
why music makes you happy
jamiroquai they always make me happy.

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The Holidays and Gender Roles

Studying Sociology has become a double edged sword for me. Over the holiday season, my sense of gender roles and norms becomes heightened. Most of the time I have to keep my mouth shut and ‘go with the flow’, but sometimes I decide that I want to engage in a conversation that will hopefully lead to a better understanding for everyone concerned. This is how I know that I should probably be a professor, but that is for another post. This post is about how people can be one way in their day to day life and then the holidays come, we meet up with family and friends that we do not see daily and things go back to the way they previously were.

I am sure that everyone out there has a story about how the holidays bring out a different side of people. But, what if the side that it brings out is actually the regular, day to day, side and we only experience it at this time of year? When you rarely see an individual, you lose the feel for their personality. In some instances this can be good, but it is a shock to the system when you have to deal with each other for hours at a time. Thinking about this situation can bring up many things. Memories that have been washed of melancholy and are now shiny little examples of what we crave around the holidays. We forget the fighting and the strife and focus on the good. This may be good for the psyche, but in the long run it makes it more difficult to function year to year.

By letting the past stand as a beacon of what the holidays should be, we lose sight of what is real. We try to make everything perfect, to make it match up to our expectations of what can be based on what was. And in this, we fail to see the difficulty that falling back into our previous roles can cause. When gender roles are so tied up in the way that we function, in these situations, it makes things tense. In even the most enlightened family situations sometimes those gender norms sneak up and bite us.

When we interact with different divisions of our family, we may slide backwards when it comes to things we are willing to do to keep the peace. On a normal day, one might be a staunch feminist, but when faced with a holiday, feminism might be put on the back burner. This is a disservice to the holiday season! Better to make it a learning experience. After all, when are you going to get all these people together again? It really is a great platform for dispelling gender norms and for subverting the roles that we often fall into.

So, how do we do this? It may be difficult, but it has to be done. Sometimes there are gender norms already being subverted that you can point out as a starting place. In my family, my mother does the bulk of the planning, my parents go shopping together, my mom cooks the meal and my dad washes the dishes. Although there are still a few gender norms being practiced here, there are also a couple being subverted. 50 years ago (or yesterday, in some places) the mother in this scenario would have done everything listed above, while the dad merely poured drinks and sat in the living room enjoying family and friends. The ladies would have spent the majority of the time in the kitchen; cooking, cleaning and sometimes even eating, away from the family. Yes we have come a long way, but we cannot merely rest on our laurels. We need to continue talking, dispelling, subverting and fighting until there are no gender norms. On the day that we no longer hear the words “that is women’s work” or “this is a mans job” uttered we will finally be equal and free of the constraints that come with being cast in a mold of social and cultural making.

Until next time, good luck in your fight, fellow feminists! We can go further together than we ever could alone so keep it up!

Peace and happy subverting,

Chantale aka hippiegrrl

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Is This A Dream?

Sometimes I wonder if my current state is merely a dream and that someday soon I will wake up to a different reality. I will still have the same apartment and the same significant other, but I will be doing something else (something better and more important) with my life. On that day I will rise in the morning, be happy to get out of bed and go to my wonderful job, teaching the future leaders of the world. Until that day, I am living in a haze of good intentions. Until that day, I am applying to PhD programs and attempting to make something of myself. Until that day, I will continue to be a low level employee, working my butt off for very little money, induring great heaping piles of micro-management.

As you may or may not know, I dislike my job. Mostly because it feels like I have taken several steps backward to get to it. At any given time in my past you could have found me managing IT projects for a small community based bank, doing the barista thing, or stocking the shelves at the college bookstore. For a short time I did a stint as a teller, hoping it would evolve into something more. It did not. The only solution is to take a different path. Customer service has been at the root of nearly every job I have had in my life. This has to change. I have finally figured it out. I do not enjoy waiting on people!

So – working from that realization will get me beyond this simple, but tedious and aggravating job set. Moving toward being a professor, working on web design and development as a freelancer, writing articles for hyperlocal media and journals. These are career paths that will lead to somewhere better. Somewhere challenging and fun and not so staunchly conservative or sales based. My dream will come true someday, only this dream will include a classroom and office hours, not a knight in shining armour.

Peace,
Chantale (aka hippiegrrl)

What I’m reading now:
Book: The Second Sex by Simone de Beauvoir
Magazine: Ms.
Online article: The Only Child: Not a Loner?

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“They” as an Obstacle to the Future

Today I feel like getting a little motivational – for my readers and myself. Sometimes one just needs a kick in the behind to see the light. This is me sharing my thoughts with you and hopefully it will benefit both of us!

Over the years, I have worked for many companies that push the idea of loyalty as a core value for employees to abide by. Loyalty can mean many things, and in some cases it is definitely a plus. However, when the idea of loyalty becomes a crutch by which owners and operators rule their roost, it can get sticky.

We have been brainwashed, in this bootstrap, dollar and a dream country, to believe that if we work hard for the corporation we will get something in return. “They” will give us a raise or a promotion or whatever old thing we want for our efforts, down the road. “They” will be upset if we do not achieve. “They” will be hurt if we decide that there is a better opportunity that we want to grab and leave “them” for that brighter future.

Well, “they” are not worth it. “They” are not thinking about our futures, but merely the bottom line. As “they” continue forward the money will roll in or it will not, while opportunities for us will come and go. Living for “they” sometimes hurts us and we need to stand strong in our convictions.

Always remember that “they” are in it for themselves, not the betterment of the community of workers. “They” are not thinking about our family and friends. “They” are not thinking about our growth as human beings as well as career-minded individuals. “They” are always and continuously thinking about the bottom line. People that get in the way of this pursuit for profit will be labeled unloyal or insubordinate. This cannot be a deterrent to continuing on the best path for oneself. “They” will go on surviving (and thriving even) without us if we decide to move on to more important pursuits for ourselves.

So – I propose that each of us begin living and working for “us”, rather than “they”. This change in perspective can you do you well. When faced with a better job opportunity think of how it will better “us” and not how it will hurt “they”. “They” cannot be hurt in the ways that “us” can be, so there should be no feelings of guilt. “They” will continue on without “us” so “we” need to be able to continue on without “them”.

Sometimes the “they” is not a real group of people. Sometimes it is a force that is inside each individual, standing in the way of true growth. “They” is sometimes used as an excuse and this is something that needs to change. Fear of the future can create a “they” in our minds that does not exist in reality. Roadblocks can transform into the “they” that keeps us from making it to the other side of our goals. We need to power through the “they” in each life, real or imagined, and move through to bigger and better things. Without drive and confidence in ourselves, “we” will always be subordinate to “they” and never become the “I” we were each meant to be.

Peace – Chantale aka hippiegrrl

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