Tag: cis/trans

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Be Better

We are all human beings. We live our lives the way we see fit and we move through life with different goals in mind. Some of us judge others and some of us do not. Recently, I have had several interactions with a certain dude on Facebook that is not exactly cordial, to put it very mildly. The topic of discussion is always Christianity and it always ends with me questioning how he can have hatred toward specific groups of people (and see that hatred as an integral part of his religious belief system) and he tells me I am not a true believer.

This does not bother me as much as it might bother others because he is right about one thing: I do not believe in the same God that he does. I am not a true believer in the ways of Christianity that the Evangelical movement would have people believe are right and true. I believe in the beatitudes. I believe in a loving Jesus, that was open to all people and did not judge them even when he saw their sins. I am not an every Sunday Christian, but I am also not an atheist. None of this really matters because it is not his or anyone else’s business what I believe, but he often takes it upon himself to tell me that I am different because I do not believe what he does.

My main issue, during these conversations/debates, is that he does not believe in Transgender people. He does not believe they exist. Here is the thing though – it does not matter if he does not believe in them because Transgender people DO actually exist. His belief system does not make things that actually exist in the world disappear. It simply makes him an asshole for treating people with disrespect because he does not ‘believe’ in them. Just because he thinks that being a homosexual is wrong, does not mean that people in the LGBTQ community will wake up one morning and start being straight, cis, and binary. Just because he does not believe that a woman should be POTUS because she should only be a helpmeet for her husband (because, you know, all women should be married to men and making babies – not working and certainly not being bosses) does NOT mean that a woman will not be President someday. Times change and we should change with them. New information comes to light that changes the way people think and feel and we should adjust for that. Science finds variations in the reality of humanity and we all learn new things about the world. Some of us trust new information and some reject it.

If you are one of those people that truly believe that people you consider different should stop being who they are, on a fundamental level, then perhaps you should also stop enjoying the fruits of their labour. Here is a list of all the things that you cannot enjoy if you are going to denounce other humans because they are different from you in ways that you deem ‘wrong’ as an Evangelical:

  • Musical theatre – The theatre is a place for creativity and openness. Musicals are written by and for people that have open minds. Even if the musical has a religious theme (Jesus Christ Superstar, Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, Godspell, Children of Eden, etc.) that does not mean that all the performers, directors, writers, and tech folks are straight and/or cis. The musical theatre community is known for being an open place for ALL people to practice their talents and feel safe. So – musicals are, for lack of a better word, OUT!
  • Pop music – If it is meant to be played on the radio and for the consumption of the general public, then there is most likely at least one LGBTQ member of society involved in the creation of said music. And hey, you never know, so better safe than sorry, right? I guess you have to remove that radio from your car and give up that Spotify account now, eh?
  • Literature – There are books in the canon written by and for LGBTQ people. There are books that have stories that revolve around LGBTQ lives and allow for people in the LGBTQ community to see themselves in these stories. This is a positive step for the literary world as literature should continue to tell the stories of people from all walks of life. I suppose you should stop reading anything but the bible, then – but wait! Even the bible has LGBTQ themes within it. I guess you have to put that book up on the shelf as well. Unfortunately, that will mean that your learning will be stunted, but, then again, it seems like learning is not really something you find important anyway, so start discarding those books! And I suppose you need to stop going places where books exist so that means that libraries, bookstores, and Amazon are now all off limits.
  • Television – This one is probably going to be hugely difficult, but did you know that many writers, producers, actors, and showrunners are actually from the LGBTQ community? There are new shows coming out every season that tell the stories of this community – again a positive step, just like in literature – but for you not so much. So you better shut off that television – maybe sell the television to some sinner to get it out of your life altogether.
  • Movies – see Theatre and Television above. Are you getting the picture?
  • Food – This is a funny one, but did you know that a lot of LGBTQ people actually work in the restaurant industry? When you go out to eat there could be an LGBTQ person making your dinner – or serving your dinner – or making money off the restaurant chain you are eating at – or sitting at the table next to you. Perhaps you should stop leaving the house altogether? You could always order one of those online food service things, but then there could be LGBTQ people putting the boxes together or delivering your mail.
  • All things Disney – This will be especially hard to hear for some Evangelicals out there that are Disney fanatics, but did you know that Disney is a gay-friendly organization? In fact, there are many Disney characters that are actually gay. Disney is also an inclusive company. Oh, the horror. How will you enjoy your heteronormative views around the Disney princesses if you know that a few of those princesses might actually be lesbians or feminists or powerful on their own? Modern day Disney princesses don’t even need the prince to save them because they are no longer damsels in distress. It is pretty awesome, but I guess if you are an Evangelical this disqualifies Disney as well. Better unpack your bags and stay home – no Disney vacation this year!

I think you get the point. LGBTQ people exist in the world. Lesbians exist. Gay men exist. Bi-sexuals exist. Transgender people exist. Queer people exist. Genderfluid people exist. Intersex people exist. Polyamorous people exist. Pansexual people exist. These people are everywhere and they are all a part of the wonderful fabric that makes up humanity. We are never going to go back to a time where people have to hide because of who they are as humans. Those of us who are allies to people in the LGBTQ community will forever stand beside them and fight for their right to be who they are and not have to live in fear. Religious fanatics who think LGBTQ people do not deserve to exist need to change their minds or become hermits. There is really no other option. Sorry, dude, but I’m not going to stop advocating for my friends and if you don’t like it, I guess we won’t be talking much anymore either.

Peace,

Chantale aka hippiegrrl

footnote: Since this post was started (14 December 2017) I hid the aforementioned dude’s feed on Facebook. I also hid his wife’s feed. This means that I will be somewhat out of touch with the goings on in their lives, but it is just easier this way. Eventually, I will unfriend them, but I’ve been lackadaisical when it comes to cleaning up my feeds. I am far overdue for a purge though, so, maybe April or May? Oh, but don’t worry, dear readers, I am still keeping receipts of these interactions which I will be archiving over on my latest tumblr.

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Girls and Boys – Perceptions Based On Sex

Note: I wrote this original post in March of 2014 – a few months before I became an Auntie. The writer and I now have a niece, Hannah, a nephew, Timmy, and another niece on the way. Although this post is old it is HIGHLY relevant. Especially right now. So – preface aside – here is my 2 year old post. Thanks for reading!!

 

Very soon I will be an aunt.  It seems odd that it has taken this long, since I am almost 40 years old, but being an only child has precluded me from this title.  Now, the writer’s brother and sister-in-law are going to be parents and the writer and I are going to be the cool uncle and aunt. How could we be anything less?

This week, I read an excellent piece about the struggles of Transgender people and the preconceived notions that those of us who are CIS believe about them. It made me think of how we should be mindful of everyone.  CIS people should not assume that they know anything about trans folks since the media has failed so terribly to depict them in anything but a stereotypical way.  Things will improve with time, but right now we are still behind in our perceptions.

How does this relate to my future niece/nephew and my status as a cool aunt?  As a future Sociologist and a Librarian, I feel that my goal will be to bring awareness to all types of humans.  To help my friends and family, as well as co-workers and acquaintances, come to an understanding of others, no matter what.  This starts at home, in both the actual and metaphorical sense.  Meaning, you don’t have to know someone that is transgender to understand their struggles.  You just need to have compassion and an open minded understanding of the fact that people are different.

Gender representation is constructed.  It is fluid.  How you feel is not how the person next to you feels.  These are facts, not beliefs.  So, with this in mind we must gain the capacity for understanding.  We must give people the space they need to express themselves without fear.  We must get to know each other as humans and act accordingly.

The first step is to stop saying things like, “I don’t BELIEVE that being transgender is real” or “if you are born with boy parts you are a boy, end of story” or, my personal annoying favourite, “if god made you a girl you will always be a girl, even if you change your parts”.  Bullshit, bullshit, and double bullshit.  You can believe anything you want, but your beliefs do not negate the fact that Transgender people do indeed exist.  You can be as stubborn as you want, but learning new things about others is good and, despite your personal belief, will not hurt you.  And don’t even get me started on the religion thing.  If that statement is true, why are there thousands of babies born with ambiguous sex organs?  Why do intersex people exist?  You cannot pray away what is real and true and scientific.

So, having said all that, I hope that my niece is a happy and healthy child. I hope that she is able to understand herself and others through a lens of acceptance and not judgement. I hope that she can be an intelligent being that is willing to listen to others experiences and open to learning new things. With an aunt like me, how could she be anything less than super cool?

Peace, Chantale aka hippiegrrl

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Good vs. Evil aka Binaries and Why They Are Not Useful

Last week, the writer and I received a note in the mail. Inside the note was a printed sheet that listed sermon notes from a service attended by a family member. The sermon was purported to be about Gender, although I would argue that it was actually about Sex, as Gender is a social construct that is carried out by individuals according to how they feel, and, in this sense, is fluid. Gender is how one performs their masculinity, femininity, or neither, to the world.

Sex is connected to the sexual organs that one possesses and is not connected to the Gender representation that one performs. Sometimes the Sex and Gender match up, but more often than not they don’t. For more on cis, trans, sex, sexuality, and other fun gender studies terminology, please refer here: Why I Am A Feminist.

Now that I have reiterated the differences between Sex and Gender, let me return to the sermon and it’s notes. The beginning of the notes had the usual biblical information. God made this and God made that. Yadda yadda yadda. God made a woman and God showed Adam he needed her. And so on. Then we get to a section about the different Evangelical views on gender (sex) roles.

Egalitarian view: God made men & women equal – and they have the same roles regardless of gender.
I like this one and, honestly, I am extremely surprised to see this on the list. I was under the impression that Evangelicals did not believe this. The next one is more in line with what they actually believe, so here goes…

Complimentarian view: God made men & women equal – but they have different roles based upon gender.
This is the view that this particular preacher states the bible teaches and he is correct. The bible does teach this. It teaches that women are the property of men and that patriarchy is the only way to live. It teaches that slavery is the norm and that we should never eat shellfish or cut our hair. It teaches many things that do not have bearing on the world today.

It also teaches really awesome and good things, but, sadly, the Evangelicals never seem to get around to that stuff.

After all the introductory information is presented, the real important (and scary) part is this:
There is a call to battle at the end, the gist of which is that anyone who does not believe women are subordinate to men is an enemy. Enemies seek to distort the Bible. So, I suppose this means that if I want to work and drive a car, I am an enemy. Since I studied Sociology and received not 1, but 2 (!) bachelor’s degrees, I am an enemy. Since I have a vagina, but I choose not to use it in the service of procreation, I am an enemy. Since I am pursuing a Masters degree and working a full time job, rather than staying home and raising children, I am an enemy.

You know what? I will settle for that then. I will settle for being an enemy. If that is what they are going to see me as, there is really no way to fight it. They will always and forever see me, and anyone that agrees with me about civil rights, as an enemy. I was not preparing for battle prior to receiving these sermon notes, but perhaps I should be. In the end, though, I prefer to just be me and let everyone else be everyone else. I prefer to love each other, just as the person that they worship told his people to do. I don’t need to go to church on Sundays and pray to a deity in order to be a good person. Nor do I need the threat of hell fire to make me act civil to other humans. Organized religion ruins spirituality in very deep and profound ways.

I have seen supposed Christians standing outside of clinics, screaming at women. Is this what Jesus wanted?
I have witnessed supposed Christians standing on soapboxes screaming at passersby to convert or burn in hell.
Is this what Jesus wanted?
I have noticed supposed Christians who talk ill of one another during the coffee hour, after the sermon.
Is this what Jesus wanted?
I have heard supposed Christians be passive aggressive in their dealings with other people.
Is this what Jesus wanted?
I have been in the presence of supposed Christians screaming at gay and lesbian folks for the way they were born.
Is this what Jesus wanted?
I have received tracts from supposed Christians who say they want me to be saved, but only on their terms.
Is this what Jesus wanted?

No! Jesus wanted us to love one another. Jesus wanted us to be good people. Jesus would probably tell these supposed Christians to chill out.

Life is not about binaries, but fluidity. When we think about a situation, we should have the ability to open our minds to ALL the possibilities, not just those that have been imposed upon us. Imposition results from all different areas of life, but no other place is it more prevalent than in the modern day Fundamentalist movement. The bible is held to be truth beyond a doubt and questions are looked upon as evil. You either believe or you do not believe, and this is dangerous as it leaves no room for the bulk of humanity.

We are all individuals, moving through space and time in different ways and at different speeds of living. We do not all see life from the same perspective and, therefore, should not feel beholden to any book or opinion of a man on a pulpit. We each create and recreate our lives based on what we encounter from day to day. Belief evolves over time, just as everything else evolves. Change is constant and we need to move with it. Having the ability to shift gears and understand your reality without relying on the dogma that has been inflicted upon you over time is important. Without this ability new situations can be daunting and, at times, even overwhelming.

In the end, you can, and should, live for yourself.

Whether you believe in something or you believe in nothing, the one thing we should all believe in is each other. We should be open and accepting. We should not just tolerate, but embrace difference. We should live our lives in the best way we can and in the end it will all work out. If not, who wants to spend eternity with a deity that punishes humans for their very nature? Not me. Would you?

Peace,
Chantale aka hippiegrrl

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What Is A Family?

This week, the supreme court will hear arguments to overturn both the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) and California’s Proposition 8. These two pieces of legislation have brought injustice to a segment of the population for many years now and it is time to end the inequality.

A poll that came out this past week showed that in the 20 years since DOMA was signed into law (Bad Clinton. I love you, but c’mon man. What were you thinking with DOMA and DADT?) that public opinion of gay marriage has shifted greatly to the side of being for, not against, it. Just ten years ago, only 37% of the population would say they were for gay marriage, whereas, 53% say they are today. This is a huge stride and one that can make anyone who survived Stonewall proud. These are the days of change. We WILL see it in our lifetime and times are good.

But, there is always an opposition to good sense and that is where the lawyers defending prop 8 come in. The basis for their claim that upholding Prop 8 is the right thing to do comes from a traditional view of marriage. To quote them directly, “The concern is that redefining marriage as a genderless institution will sever its abiding connection to its historic traditional procreative purposes, and it will refocus, refocus the purpose of marriage and the definition of marriage away from the raising of children and to the emotional needs and desires of adults, of adult couples” (Charles J. Cooper, lawyer representing the proponents of Prop 8).

This got me thinking about my Sociology of Family class, from a few years back, and the first question we were asked and discussed in depth.

What is a family?

Of course, the first answer that was yelled out, from the back of the room, was two parents and their children. Ah ha! Two parents. Not a mother and a father, but two parents. This is telling. Later, this same person went on to say that he believed two parents were a mother and father, but the first reaction was two parents. This definition, although inclusive of same sex couples, does leave out many other people.

How about single moms or dads and their children? How about same sex or opposite sex couples with no children? Are these not families? Are a woman and man that want to get married, but hold off on having children (possibly never having biological children at all), not a real family? Well, if that is the case, I guess the writer and I will have to hand in our marriage license pronto! By defining family in such narrow terms as two parents and their children, it leaves out legions of others. We all become outsiders in this pursuit of narrowly defined family.

This is why DOMA and Prop 8 must go and that no new bills should be brought to any legislature in any state that try to define marriage as one woman one man. This is too narrow a definition for marriage, which also leads to an even narrower definition of family. So, go go Supreme Court! Do us justice now, so that we don’t continue to slide back into the injustice that was around when the country was formed.

We are supposed to be always looking ahead in America. Leading the world with innovation and equality. Well, we have fallen down on the promise that is a free society and if we don’t pick up the pieces and start making it right we might as well forget about that promise.

After all, this same day in history, 26 March 2013, North Dakota passed the most sweeping restrictions on choice since prior to roe v. wade released us from the burden of laws on our bodies. They are attempting to roll back women’s rights, but hopefully the voters won’t let it stand. Two steps forward and one step back.

We will get there someday, slowly but surely, rights for all living, human beings. And by the way, that means breathing on ones own, not just the potential to do so. Just sayin’.

Peace,
Chantale

links:
Full transcript of Supreme Court Arguments On California Gay Marriage Ban – 26 March 2013
‘It’s Bad For Business’: Employers Side With DOMA Opponents – a reason to actually LIKE Starbucks.

love is love is love.

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Let’s Talk About Gender (and Media)

Earlier in the week, I posted an article to Facebook, from New York Magazine. It was titled “The Retro Wife”. Maybe you saw my post, or the comments that transpired after the fact, maybe not. Either way, I have decided to get up on my gender studies soapbox and write a post. This is one of the great things about having an online journal. If something sticks with me for more than 24 hours, I can write about it. Good for deconstructing ideas and gathering my thoughts.

Every night, when I settle down to watch my favourite shows, I notice something about the commercials that come between. Even on such progressive networks as MSNBC, there is still an undertone of difference in some of the commercials that are aired by the sponsors. This is something that I find across the board, but let me explain precisely what I mean by undertone of difference.

Commercials advertise products. They have since the beginning of television and before that, businesses used radio, newspapers, magazines, and other forms of media to advertise their products. These products are geared toward demographics, which are made up of specific people. With this in mind, you would not see a tampon commercial that was geared toward cis gendered males, simply because that is not a product they need to use. However, when I say an undertone of difference, I mean that a tampon commercial can play to the stereotypes in our society about menstruation. Just as other commericals play to other stereotypes. This is a marketing strategy that has been used for many decades in advertising and it will continue to move forward in such a way. The undertone of difference creates a problem in society that continually perpetuates. If a product is marketed directly to you and you are being told that you need it because of some thing that is essentialist about your being, that is a problem. Of course, tampons will continue to be marketed to women, but there is a better way to do it than shaming.

For years, I have noticed these things about advertising. Since I was a child, I have felt that undertone of difference while watching television or going to movies. This difference transcends entertainment and moves into the real world when we take the things we learn from media and implement them in our lives. Sociology gave me the terms I needed to better understand the undertones I already sensed. However, it did not alert me to anything I was not already keenly aware of, as a cis gendered female, in American society. For this reason, I have felt the need to speak up. I feel the need to investigate and research and then write down my findings. I feel a push to better understand why there is an undertone of difference in the first place and work toward change.

There are companies that are coming around, slowly but surely. Amazon, a major player in online consumerism, released a commercial, in February of this year, that supports gay marriage. That, in an of itself, is a good thing, but the way that it is presented is even better. It depicts a woman and man sitting in side by side lounge chairs on the beach. The woman is reading on a kindle and the man is using an ipad. The man is struggling to read because of the glare and the woman tells him about how great her kindle is. The man then states “Done!” and proceeds to say he just bought a kindle “let’s celebrate! how about a drink!” The woman says “yes, my husband is bringing me one right now” and the man says “so is mine!” They both turn to see two men at the bar, purchasing beverages.

Now I realize that this is, from a marketing perspective, a way to gain more of the lbgtq community, but it also does something broader. It shows us changing attitudes about the culture. Advertising can, and should, do that. As we move forward into a more equal future for all, advertisers should continue to get on the bandwagon, as Amazon has, and push the envelope. Seeing depictions of oneself in media strengthens the ways in which we interact on a personal and societal level. Moving us forward through messages of positivity is good for our culture as a whole and, at the same time, good for business.

So, when I see products being created like “Bic for her” or “Dr. Pepper Ten” that put people into distinct categories and pit the sexes against each other, I cringe. Honestly, the first time I saw a Dr. Pepper Ten commercial, I thought it was a spoof and at the end they were going to do one of those needle scratch moments and say “Dr. Pepper is for everyone!”. But they didn’t. They just moved along with the same tired trope of making the ten calorie beverage seem more appealing to cis gendered males in a stereotypical way. 2013? Disappointing.

So, where do we go from here? How do we continue the trends of good advertising that cater to ALL people rather than to those who identify as just male or just female? How do we move the media in a way that will also move the culture? That is a work in progress that I believe those people in media who want to move it are doing. Slowly but surely. People like Melissa Harris-Perry and her nerdland staff and places like the Geena Davis Institute on Gender in Media. TV programs like My So-Called Life and Will & Grace that started pushing the envelope and opening the door to equality. Websites such as Feminist Frequency and Feministing that continue to show us how examining and better understanding pop culture, through a feminist lens, is the way to true gender equality. We are moving forward. Change is slow and grueling and although we may not get there in our lifetime, if we could just keep moving forward, leaning in, setting our sights for true equality and moving our ship in that direction, our country can eventually achieve equality of all people. Not just the people that have the loudest voices or a specific set of sex organs, all people.

/soapbox (for now)

Peace,

Chantale

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Why I Am A Feminist

I am a feminist because I believe that people of all genders are equal. All human beings, no matter what gender, race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, or creed, are equal. We all live on the earth and we are all homosapiens. We also all have to perform basic bodily functions, such as eating, sleeping, hydrating, and eliminating waste, on a daily basis. We all need food, clothing, and shelter to survive and we all need the interaction of other human beings in order to thrive. These are basic facts. They are not beliefs and they do not need faith in order to understand them. Human beings of all shapes, sizes, intelligence, and talent are equal. Our actions show us to be leaders or followers, innovators or users, but at the base levels we are all equal.

There is a book that exists that has many stories in it. Many people read this book and make decisions for their lives based on these stories. This is good in practice, for personal growth and development, but when this book is used to tell other people how to live their lives, this is where a line should be drawn. Inequality exists for many reasons, but the main reason, the first reason, is the ways in which this book tells stories concerning roles of the sexes. This book depicts a world where men are in charge and women are merely property. It pushes the ideals of patriarchy which have been detrimental to our collective consciousness. This is why we must set the book aside and enact laws from a state of equality. Pass amendments to insure that all human beings are treated equally under the law and follow through in maintaining these amendments. Women were not made fully equal by the voting rights that were won by those that came before us and fought with all their might to obtain, but by a constant daily struggle toward equality. This also includes the rights of non-cis people who are or will become trans gendered.

Time for a quick gender studies (yay sociology!) lesson: cis is a term used in gender studies to denote those individuals that have sex organs matching their gender orientation. Let me go back another step. The sex of an individual is determined by ones sex organs, the gender is the way they perform their orientation. Even easier, sex equals male/female/intersex, gender equals masculine/feminine/asexual. Sex is related to biology while gender is related to performance.

Example – I have female sex organs, I feel like a woman, I dress the way I want so sometimes I may be performing what society would deem masculinity, but overall my clothing is feminine. This makes me a cis female, meaning my sex organs match my personal identity. If I had female sex organs, but I felt like I should have male sex organs, that would make me trans, but not lesbian. I am only lesbian if I am also attracted to women. If I then go forth and have an operation to become a man, I would be a trans gay man. This makes sense in that they call the surgery reassignment surgery. This means that they are reassigning the sex organs from female to male or vice versa. This does not change the sexual attraction that an individual will feel. This is why we can definitively state that sex organs do not link to attraction. They do not link to gender. They only link to sex assignment and reproduction.

So now that you know what cis and trans mean, let me continue to explain why I am a feminist and will continue to be one throughout my life.

There are young women that feel like feminism is no longer necessary. We can vote and work and now we can fight in wars, so why do we need to keep fighting for equality? Well, it is simple really, complacency. If we put down the struggle and just live our lives, we will find ourselves back in the past quicker than we can blink. Once we settle we sign our inequality warrant. If we do not continue to look at sexism in popular culture, and critique it in order to end it, it will get more out of control than it already is.

This is where I live, feminist-wise. In the land of feminist critical studies. Watching movies and television shows and commercials, reading the latest literature, and then using my pen (or computer keyboard, I suppose) to fight the good fight against misogyny and institutionalized sexism. This may make me a pain to some or a thorn in the side of organized religion, but it is what I must do. Ministers speak of a calling that they have to do gods work, well this is my calling. I am called to right the wrongs of years of oppression by a system that makes us feel like everything will be okay if we just sit down, cross our legs, and shut our mouths. Well, I never cross my legs and I will definitely never shut my mouth. The struggle is long and difficult, but we can muddle through.

Thanks for reading this and please keep coming back. Without you, I have no voice. If you are interested in reading more about cis, trans, gender performance, feminism, and other good stuff, please click on the links below and sign up for some feeds. Information is the best defense against inequality!

Peace,
Chantale

appropriate links:

gender binary primer
who needs feminism? – yeah, that would be everyone
feminist majority foundation – the ms. foundation on the web
feminism in the 21st century – a little piece I wrote in 2003
Judith Butler on Gender Perfomativity – the mother of gender performance discourse
feministing.com – one of my favourite feminist places on the interwebs
sociological images – discourse and visuals
why i’m adding feminist to my online profiles