Category: equality

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The Future of Feminism

The future is bright for those in the feminist movement but our work is never done.  With that in mind, I feel it is a good time to put down my thoughts on the future of feminism and the next generation (are we going to call them 4th wavers?) of women and men that will keep the movement strong.  One of those women will be my niece.  She is yet to be born, but I vow to be a good influence on her sense of self worth and equality.

Here are some of the things I hope for her, and all women growing up in the coming years, decades, and centuries.  This is as close as I will ever get to words of wisdom, so I hope they are taken in the spirit they were intended. Keep them in context and understand that I say the following out of love and commitment to the movement and all those that will carry on the legacy.

Always know who you are and don’t let others bring you down

This is a tall order as society places many restrictions on a woman’s sense of worth.  We have to fight every day to feel good about ourselves, beginning with the way we look when we leave the house, to the things we do once we are out there in the world.  Men do not encounter the level of scrutiny that women do when it comes to appearance and choice of task (whether it be staying home with children or taking the business world by storm.)  At the end of it all, we must know ourselves and our own personal strengths and limitations.  These must be learned through our autonomy as humans and never fostered by negativity from outside.  Be you.  Let the negativity roll off your back and march ever forward.  The only opinion that matters is your own.

The choice is yours

Your body is your own and nobody can make choices for you. You must choose for yourself. Do not misconstrue this to mean that you are alone in the world for you are not. There is always someone there for you no matter the situation. In my life, I will always be the open minded and honest hearted person who will support my niece (and every other woman in my circle of family and friends) NO MATTER WHAT their choices are.

You don’t have to smile if you don’t want to

On too many occasions in life, I have been told to smile. This is my face and I don’t have to be happy to make you feel okay about yourself. This is actually a pretty common theme. If women do not make themselves into something that can be well presented to the world, they are looked down upon. When women don’t wear makeup or don’t have perfectly coifed hair, when they don’t make themselves appear to be happy even when they are not, they are thought to be assaulting others with their lack of “upkeep”. This, I must say, is bullshit. We should be able to look and feel any way we want without criticism or complaint. This is who we are and we will continue to live strong, healthy lives whether we smile or not.

Being smart is cool

There will be times in your life when you are made to feel too smart. As if women who are smart somehow make men feel inferiour. Well, I have two things to say to that; first it is nonsense and second, even if it is true, so what? Men have made women feel inferiour for eons for a million little things, so maybe this isn’t such a bad thing. If a smart woman makes you feel inferiour, maybe you need to assess yourself rather than turning it back on her. Smart is awesome and there is no reason to dumb yourself down for anyone, especially not a man.

You don’t need to be in a relationship to be happy

This does not mean that you should be alone. Having a significant other is a wonderful experience, but not for everyone. The point of this is that you should never need another person in your life to know that you are okay. You can take care of yourself and you should never feel like that is impossible. Of course we all need help sometimes, but that doesn’t make us weak or needy, it makes us human. So, whomever you choose to spend your days and nights with is your choice, but never feel that you have to have someone in your life to feel worthy. Self worth comes from inside, not from the musings or gaze of another.

You are worthy

No matter your sex, gender representation, sexual orientation, race, ethnicity, religious affiliation, or level of ability, you are special and worthy. Never let the world make you believe you are not. Society is a tough place for all of us to navigate, but knowing deep down that you are who you were meant to be can go a long way to keeping you healthy and happy. Knowing, also, that you have people that believe in you and know you are who you were meant to be is invaluable. Keep a network of like minded and supportive people around you and you shall never fail.

I could go on all day, but I think you get the gist. Women are just as strong as men and can do anything they set their minds to. As feminists, we need to stick together, stay united in the movement, and push forward toward full equality. Someday, it will be a reality, and in the meantime, keeping the positivity flowing around each and every woman is the only way to find true self worth. We must support one another and keep up the fight.

Peace and Love,
Chantale (aka auntie chanti/hippiegrrl)

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Riot Grrrl: Better Late Than Never

The 90’s were a time of new music with an undercurrent (and sometimes blatant current) of radical feminism. L7, Sleater-Kinney, Bratmobile, and, the leaders of feminist punk, Bikini Kill. Back then, I listened to the music, but I wasn’t fully in the scene. Living in Niagara Falls and attending school in Buffalo removed me from the angst-ridden, raw intensity of the scene in Portland, DC, and NYC. My life was pretty good and, as such, I didn’t have much to riot about.

 

I did create a ‘zine, but it was focused more on movie reviews with occasional pieces on homophobia. I was in touch with the sexism, racism, and homophobia of my hometown, but I didn’t quite yet know how to express my rage. Riot Grrrl culture would have saved me, had the internet existed. This, I suppose, is where the disconnect began. In the early 90’s, before the prolific nature of the internet could infect our homes, we had to get our music and cultural news from MTV and the radio. Living in Buffalo afforded me a wealth of great music, coming out of Toronto, Ontario, on CFNY, but not so much a wealth of female voices. I saw stories on MTV news about the Riot Grrrls movement, but that movement never really made it to Buffalo. Sure, we did “Take Back The Night” walks every year at school and we had speakers come in and talk about women’s issues, but we didn’t have anything on the level of Riot Grrrl. There was no Kathleen Hanna to scream for us in Buffalo and Ani Difranco was pale in comparison to that level of rage.

 

So, my path leads me back to Riot Grrrl. It always, inevitably, does. I may not have had a name for it in the 90’s, but radical feminism has always been a huge part of my existence. I’ve always been outspoken in my defense of women, myself and others, and have tried to convey my utter disgust for the lack of feminist sources in my hometown. The difference though, between Kathleen Hanna and myself, is that I am not as motivated as her. Although we share a birthday, (12 November, along with Neil Young, Grace Kelly, Charles Manson, and Ryan Gosling) she is way more fierce!

 

She got up on the stage and screamed out the reality of her own life and the lives of others. I could barely write a word about my life until the last few years. She yelled at the audience to bring the ‘girls to the front’. I kept my mouth shut, while growing up, through a lot of patriarchal bullshit. She stuck to her principles in the face of complete and total sexism. I let shit go. She always stayed true to herself and the cause of radical feminism. I let my desire to be liked get in the way of my activism for too long. Not any more! I am revitalized! After watching “The Punk Singer” documentary, I am reenergized and ready to move forward.

 

Since we moved into the 21st century, the riot grrrl movement seems to have fizzled. There are still pockets of the radical feminist scene, but the overall music and zine culture that was directly connected to riot grrrl has dwindled. My question then is, what happened? Was the scene not sustainable without big figures like Hanna? Was a change in music the death knell for grrrl punk? Or did the boys just retake their places at the top? Why do women need to continuously fight for their places in music?

 

Feminism is not dead, but the patriarchy wants it to be. The second wave feminists are still pushing ahead, but the ERA is still not ratified. The third wavers have taken the struggle online, but the social media spaces are crawling with misogynists waiting to pounce. Women are baited with articles about career women vs. stay at home moms, shifting our focus from feminist goals. We should be gathering together and fighting for our lives. There are too many attacks, in the United States (not to mention around the world), on our collective rights as women.

 

The powers that be, which often include other women, wish to take away our right to control our own bodies. They want to take away our agencies and our voices. They want to make us helpless and powerless as a group so they can continue to control us. The patriarchy will never quit fighting so neither should we. We have to push onward. Continue marching! Continue running for office and retaining feminist values while leading! Organizing as if our lives depend on it, because they do! And never believe the media when they say that feminism is dead. It is alive and kicking and we will continue in the riot grrrl path. Never compromise! Never concede! Never go back!

 

Peace and Happy Patriarchy Smashing!
Chantale

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Good vs. Evil aka Binaries and Why They Are Not Useful

Last week, the writer and I received a note in the mail. Inside the note was a printed sheet that listed sermon notes from a service attended by a family member. The sermon was purported to be about Gender, although I would argue that it was actually about Sex, as Gender is a social construct that is carried out by individuals according to how they feel, and, in this sense, is fluid. Gender is how one performs their masculinity, femininity, or neither, to the world.

Sex is connected to the sexual organs that one possesses and is not connected to the Gender representation that one performs. Sometimes the Sex and Gender match up, but more often than not they don’t. For more on cis, trans, sex, sexuality, and other fun gender studies terminology, please refer here: Why I Am A Feminist.

Now that I have reiterated the differences between Sex and Gender, let me return to the sermon and it’s notes. The beginning of the notes had the usual biblical information. God made this and God made that. Yadda yadda yadda. God made a woman and God showed Adam he needed her. And so on. Then we get to a section about the different Evangelical views on gender (sex) roles.

Egalitarian view: God made men & women equal – and they have the same roles regardless of gender.
I like this one and, honestly, I am extremely surprised to see this on the list. I was under the impression that Evangelicals did not believe this. The next one is more in line with what they actually believe, so here goes…

Complimentarian view: God made men & women equal – but they have different roles based upon gender.
This is the view that this particular preacher states the bible teaches and he is correct. The bible does teach this. It teaches that women are the property of men and that patriarchy is the only way to live. It teaches that slavery is the norm and that we should never eat shellfish or cut our hair. It teaches many things that do not have bearing on the world today.

It also teaches really awesome and good things, but, sadly, the Evangelicals never seem to get around to that stuff.

After all the introductory information is presented, the real important (and scary) part is this:
There is a call to battle at the end, the gist of which is that anyone who does not believe women are subordinate to men is an enemy. Enemies seek to distort the Bible. So, I suppose this means that if I want to work and drive a car, I am an enemy. Since I studied Sociology and received not 1, but 2 (!) bachelor’s degrees, I am an enemy. Since I have a vagina, but I choose not to use it in the service of procreation, I am an enemy. Since I am pursuing a Masters degree and working a full time job, rather than staying home and raising children, I am an enemy.

You know what? I will settle for that then. I will settle for being an enemy. If that is what they are going to see me as, there is really no way to fight it. They will always and forever see me, and anyone that agrees with me about civil rights, as an enemy. I was not preparing for battle prior to receiving these sermon notes, but perhaps I should be. In the end, though, I prefer to just be me and let everyone else be everyone else. I prefer to love each other, just as the person that they worship told his people to do. I don’t need to go to church on Sundays and pray to a deity in order to be a good person. Nor do I need the threat of hell fire to make me act civil to other humans. Organized religion ruins spirituality in very deep and profound ways.

I have seen supposed Christians standing outside of clinics, screaming at women. Is this what Jesus wanted?
I have witnessed supposed Christians standing on soapboxes screaming at passersby to convert or burn in hell.
Is this what Jesus wanted?
I have noticed supposed Christians who talk ill of one another during the coffee hour, after the sermon.
Is this what Jesus wanted?
I have heard supposed Christians be passive aggressive in their dealings with other people.
Is this what Jesus wanted?
I have been in the presence of supposed Christians screaming at gay and lesbian folks for the way they were born.
Is this what Jesus wanted?
I have received tracts from supposed Christians who say they want me to be saved, but only on their terms.
Is this what Jesus wanted?

No! Jesus wanted us to love one another. Jesus wanted us to be good people. Jesus would probably tell these supposed Christians to chill out.

Life is not about binaries, but fluidity. When we think about a situation, we should have the ability to open our minds to ALL the possibilities, not just those that have been imposed upon us. Imposition results from all different areas of life, but no other place is it more prevalent than in the modern day Fundamentalist movement. The bible is held to be truth beyond a doubt and questions are looked upon as evil. You either believe or you do not believe, and this is dangerous as it leaves no room for the bulk of humanity.

We are all individuals, moving through space and time in different ways and at different speeds of living. We do not all see life from the same perspective and, therefore, should not feel beholden to any book or opinion of a man on a pulpit. We each create and recreate our lives based on what we encounter from day to day. Belief evolves over time, just as everything else evolves. Change is constant and we need to move with it. Having the ability to shift gears and understand your reality without relying on the dogma that has been inflicted upon you over time is important. Without this ability new situations can be daunting and, at times, even overwhelming.

In the end, you can, and should, live for yourself.

Whether you believe in something or you believe in nothing, the one thing we should all believe in is each other. We should be open and accepting. We should not just tolerate, but embrace difference. We should live our lives in the best way we can and in the end it will all work out. If not, who wants to spend eternity with a deity that punishes humans for their very nature? Not me. Would you?

Peace,
Chantale aka hippiegrrl

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With Liberty and Justice For Some

We live within the confines of our environment. Although there are dreamers amoung us, the majority of the human race just goes with the flow. This is why it is so hard to come up from our country’s racist past. Why is it so difficult to look at a situation and really see it for what it is? Mainly because it is easier not to try and understand the underlying causes of racism. It is easier to just move forward with life, live in a bubble of understanding about our immediate needs, and not question the norm. This is laziness at its finest. True understanding is difficult. It requires hard work and perseverance.

In America we would rather watch reality television and be hyper consumers than think about our history or future. We walk around in a daze, brought on by fast food and the need to pay bills, while ignoring the bigger parts of our being. We miss out on the important things in order to focus on the garbage. The media easily shifts our focus away from wars, in other countries and down the street, by “reporting” on the latest pop culture phenom and his or her fall from the pedestal of fame. We buy in to this focus shift through our own retweeting and sharing of senseless memes, or worse, memes that make fun of marginalized communities. We continue the cycle of nonsense that the major media creates, through social media outlets. This is not to say that we should give up Facebook, twitter, tumblr, Instagram, and everything else online, but that we should be more thoughtful (and, even better, thought provoking) in our interactions on these sites. Social media is a tool for change, but until we focus, it will continue to be taken over by the masses who do not care about real social change.

I suppose this sounds like the rantings of a bitter feminist who does not want anyone to have fun, but that is not the case. We should all be able to have fun. Our lives should be enjoyable and we should, each and every one of us, expect the following things out of life.

1- to be able to have a job that we love, or, if our preference is not to work, to be able to make that happen in our lifetime.
2- to be able to work in an environment free of harassment and maltreatment.
3- to be able to have the family structure that we strive for, without restriction, and all the benefits that come with that family structure.
4- to be able to pursue an education without having to pay off the debt of said education for the rest of our living years.
5- to be able to walk down the street, in any neighbourhood in the country, without being followed or made to feel unsafe and certainly to not be attacked verbally or physically.
6- to be able to make choices about our bodies without the interference of other bodies.
7- to be equal, each of us, all of us.

There are many more ways in which our lives can be enjoyable, but these should be what we expect, at minimum. After the past week of events, it seems that we cannot even have all of the above things fulfilled in this country and that is sad. Pundits are always floating the idea that America is the greatest country in the world, which is, by the way, baseless when you consider all the injustice. Would the greatest country in the world seek to limit the rights of half its population by sneaking through restrictive legislation in secret special sessions? Would that nation allow a young person, who was unarmed, to be brutally killed by an older, armed man, and then put the child’s friends on trial rather than the perpetrator? Would that nation set standards for voting only to revoke those standards 50 years later in the name of progress? Would that nation try to sidestep its racist past by being apologists for a frame of mind that still exists in the southern most reaches of its land mass? No! A great nation would not. On the birthday of our country, it is shameful to see what we do in the name of a great nation. We hurt our own people and we send our citizens to other countries to fight and die for these ideals. What we should be doing is having a very real conversation about equality, in this so called great nation, and how we can truly be a beacon for the world. How we can own up to our past injustice and move forward. How we can lead the charge for human rights by example, not by rhetoric.

When a parent tells a child what to do, maybe the child will do it, maybe they won’t, but when a parent models behaviour to that same child, the child will eventually mirror those behaviours. As a young nation we have had massive growing pains, but it is time now to grow up. To be a decent society that treats all human beings equal. To be the best we can be. I know we have it in us, but we need to bring it out. Bring up the best and call out the worst, then move forward, together. If we need a model, we can always look to an even younger nation to the north. They seem to be moving in the right direction. They stumble at times as well, but they are also pretty damn good at standing up, dusting off, admitting wrong, and moving forward. That should be our goal. Lets make it happen, together.

Peace,
Chantale

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Evolving Out of Racism

How do we live here? How can we continue forward knowing that this has happened and continues to happen. Paula Dean is not the first racist to be “found out” and she will not be the last. The problem lies in the fact that she cannot admit she was wrong. That is because she doesn’t believe that she was wrong. She is a member of a Southern society that still believes it is okay to oppress those who are different. The problem is that she should be rising above that. It is possible. Let me demonstrate, from my own life, how it is more than possible.

I was raised in Niagara Falls, NY. That is not where my history begins though. My family has roots in Alabama. We did not discuss this when I was a child, but I’m pretty sure that someone, somewhere in my family tree, was a slave owner. I can guarantee that one of my ancestors was a Confederate soldier and that my great grandmother and great aunts were members of the daughters of the confederacy. I am sure that more than one of my family members, maybe even to this day, flew a confederate flag in front of her/his home. Since I am a conglomeration of all the parts of my family tree and the social construction of my environment growing up, I came out different from those distant (by space and/or time) Southern relatives.

Not to put it all on the South though, I have to speak about the city in which I grew up. As I mentioned, I am from Niagara Falls, NY. Being a Northern city, on the border of Canada, you would think that we would be more evolved than the South. You would think that with all of the immigration to the factories on the waterfront, that we would have a much more open and honest way of dealing with one another. You would think, that we would be a diverse city culturally. You would think, but this is not the case. Yes, it is diverse, but it is also one of the most segregated cities in the United States. Buffalo, too, is highly segregated and actually has made the list of top 10 most segregated cities many years over. I am not certain what causes this segregation. It could have begun with a need for communities to stick together and then turned into a way for communities to stay separated.

So, other than being segregated, Niagara Falls is also a haven for bigots. Again, I am not certain how this came to be, and nobody ever wants to say anything, but today is the day. Today is the day that I stand up and say, “I was raised in a city where bigots run free. Where racism, misogyny, and homophobia are rampant and where the individuals who propagate these attitudes go unchecked.” I am not proud of this, but that is why I need to say it. If we don’t speak our truths we cannot come past them. This is the lesson that Paula Dean will never learn. If she isn’t truthful in saying that she did use the n-word and that she wants to understand why that is bad, she is doing herself, and her followers, a dis-service.

There were many events over my time in Niagara Falls that shaped me. Luckily, they made me evolve away from the norm in my city and try to be the best human being I can be. I saw how people treated each other and, more often than not, spoke behind each others backs, and I decided that I didn’t want to be that kind of person. Some people say that we shouldn’t judge each other, or that only God can judge us, and that may be what they believe, but that doesn’t give a free pass to people here on earth. You can believe whatever you want about the end of the world, but I would think that the best way to get to where you want to go is to be kind to one another while you are here. Since we don’t really know what is going to happen, the best bet is to remain civil and treat each other with respect. You don’t need religion to be a good person, you just have to care about other people. And, sometimes, those with religion are the ones doing the most oppressing, so I don’t think we should even use faith as a marker for good.

I can never understand the plight of the oppressed, in the way that they can, and so I understand that I am limited. However, I am a woman, which means I have a slice of oppression that is all my own, and, in this way, I can empathize. I can be an ally to all oppressed communities because I am oppressed as well. And, on top of that, if I were a Rich White Man (the least, if at all, oppressed), I could still empathize and be an ally.

So, instead of wallowing in the past and the reasons why some of us are still steeped in bigotry, let me rise above that and talk about being an ally. This is what Paula Dean should be doing. She should be reflecting on the error of her ways and coming past it. She should be embracing the communities that she offended. Rather, she has decided to say “I is what I is and I’m not changin” and that is where she has stumbled. She has not evolved and, therefore, cannot be an ally. But you can, so here is how:

Step One – Own up to the past.
This can be your individual past (as in Paula Dean and the ways in which she has been racist through her words AND actions over time) or it can be the past of your relatives; ancestors. I have both Native American and Confederate Ancestors. They are actually on the same side of my family. So, the oppressed became the oppressors or vice versa. I also have Italian, French, English, and German ancestors and they all, each in their own ways, have been oppressors or the oppressed. We all battle, in this country, to reach for the American dream and, unfortunately, it sometimes makes us step on others to get to that unattainable top.

Step Two – Own up to the present.
In understanding your history, you should be able to more clearly see your current state of being. If you still hold on to bigoted ways, you should be able to think about the why and how of it and suss it out. Sometimes people feel they have been wronged by groups of people, when, in reality, there are individuals that have been the catalyst. An example may be the worker that doesn’t get hired based on affirmative action. This has been a hot button issue for the bigots amoung us. They believe that affirmative action (and apparently so do many of the U.S. House of Reps) is no longer necessary or good. They think that it causes reverse discrimination. They would be wrong. Affirmative action insures that schools are integrated and that the past does not repeat itself. With the history of our country as it is, we need affirmative action forever. It is not something we will ever be able to let go of, else we repeat the past. Of course, that is what will happen with the South and voting now that the VRA has been gutted. Jim Crow will be the new standard if the people don’t rise up against voting restrictions and redistricting.

Step Three – Empathize
Even though you are not able to fully understand the lives of the oppressed, unless you are in their shoes, you can still be empathetic. Being a bigot is not being empathetic. Saying you are sorry does not demonstrate your willingness to be better. Only changing your actions does that. Show you are sorry by doing things differently.

Step Four – Work together
There are many ways to work for a cause. Volunteering at an organization that helps forward the cause of an oppressed group is one way. Another way is to combat bullying and hatred online through the deflection of social media noise. When you see pictures and memes of poor people used for the enjoyment of tge masses, do not send them on or “like” them. When you see memes defending racist thought or bigoted people, do not send them on or “like” them. When you see memes that are disparaging to any group of people or individual, do not send them on or “like” them. Now, the trick is to recognize these memes when presented with them online. When you see a picture that depicts someone in a hateful manner that might be a clue. When you see videos depicting the plight of the oppressed with funny captions by the poster that might be another clue. A third, and major, clue is the confederate flag. If you see that anywhere online, do not engage, but back away and report it. That might be a symbol of the South, but it is more than just a flag. It is a symbol of oppression that should not be continuously used to denigrate and destroy. It should be retired. It should be burned.

Step Five – Be Open To All Humans
Being open minded is the best way to combat bigotry and hatred. Understanding that we are all, each and every one of us, human beings and that we should treat one another with respect, is the first step toward evolving from racism. Anyone can do this. Anyone can evolve. In fact, we are all evolving now. We just have to learn how to be on the right track for that evolution. On the kind, open, honest, and non-racist track. Go there, it is nice.

Thanks for listening. If you think this was a tirade just imagine how much I edited out. Hope you will follow me and help to make this world a better place for EVERYONE. After all, we can never have true equality until everyone is equal.

Peace,
Chantale

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Words

Today, we saw change on a grand scale. DOMA was killed. Prop 8 was killed. LGBTQ folks can move forward with the struggle, with a little bit of it behind them. I am there too. Fighting for equality for ALL. Until we have it, there is no rest. Until we understad how our words pierce through others, we can never be fully equal. Until we move away from the garbage that is our past, we can never fully be one. Until we let go of the chains of the people that came before, we can never move forward. We must break free and understand each other within the context of the future, not the past. Stagnation is never a good thing. Evolution is the only way to go. Let’s evolve together and show that we can be better than we have been. We can have a bright future and stop recreating the past through oppression and dominance.

“Seeing the world through anothers eyes, is like bustin a window in a house of lies, and in the end you make up your own mind.” ani difranco ~ promiscuity

Last week was not so nice. Before the writer and I left for our favourite spot in Canada, we had an evening out with friends and family. Everything was going great until one guy decided, in his wisdom, to discuss how if he were married he would “never let his wife mow the lawn.” I am not quite certain how we got on the topic, or why we were talking about mowing the lawn, but the word ‘let’ struck me. I immediately barked back, “why do you have to go there?” He looked at me, confused, and asked, “what did I say now?” The defensiveness of his retort should have stopped me, but my feminist sensibility had taken over; I was off and running. Note: This entry is not meant to be an apology, as I have nothing to apologize for, but just a way to suss out exactly what I meant when I stated that the word ‘let’ was hurtful. To deconstruct a word or words. To better understand why one would choose this particular word. To understand how it sounds outside of the speakers head. These are the reasons for this entry.

“I search your profile for a translation, I study the conversation like a map. ‘Cause I know there is strength in the differences between us, and I know there is comfort, where we overlap.” ani difranco ~ overlap

Let – to hinder or prevent. I do not like to use dictionary definitions in my writing, however, at times it is necessary. In order to understand a word, fully, we must first see what the definition is. Using the word let, in the context that it was used Thursday night, is basically to prevent or not allow another person to do something. Not permit them to mow the lawn. He backtracked, after being called out on the word let, and said he meant he “wouldn’t want her to have to mow the lawn.” Well, if this is the case, why don’t you say it? Why would you say you wouldn’t let someone do something if you really meant you wouldn’t want them to have to do that thing? You wouldn’t. ‘Let’ was actually the correct word.

What this guy didn’t understand was what the word ‘let’ implies. In the context of a man ‘letting’ a woman do something, or not do something as is the case here. Using that word is a continuation of the power dynamics implicit in a patriarchal society. By saying, “I wouldn’t let my wife mow the lawn”, this guy might think he means well, when, in actuality, he is continuing the language that oppresses a whole group of human beings. He would say this is too big an idea, but that is the point. It is all about the big ideas. If we don’t look at the big picture, as mirrored through individual lives, we don’t see the consequences of our speech. We don’t see the trajectory of history and how using the language of oppression pushes a message of submission. The word let implies that this hypothetical wife will obey her husband, without question. This is not an egalitarian union. Although it is in his head, the language he uses forms his frame of reference for the future. This is the sad truth and why ‘let’ really does mean so much.

The next level of discussion was to turn it back around on me. I am a feminist, and, as such, I have the distinct pleasure of suffering fools. People call me names and talk about me as if I’m a mega-bitch, just because I believe in true equality. My striving for this equality has made me into a nemesis of those that rely on the status quo. By telling me that I’m over thinking or nit picking by calling someone on the word ‘let’, the patriarchy continues to thrive. By putting all the blame on feminists for the way the world is, the anti-feminists win.

After about 5 minutes of debate and argument, I thought we had come to a good conclusion. I explained why the word ‘let’ might be hurtful and he said he understood. I could tell he was appeasing me, but I also felt that we had reached an agreement. An empasse, yes, but an agreement nonetheless.

“I know the biggest crime, is just to throw up your hands. Say this has nothing to do with me, I just wanna live as comfortably as I can. You gotta look outside your eyes, you gotta think outside your brain, you gotta walk outside your life, to where the neighbourhood changes.” ani difranco ~ willing to fight

This time, I fought back. This time, I didn’t back down. This time, I continued to argue until I drove the other person to the point of name calling. That is where the debate ends. Devolving into argumentative, playground tactics is base and I will not give it time. We would not discuss this again. That is, until, I heard what he said behind my back, after the fact.

I have the decency to call people on their crap, to their faces. Anything I bitch about or mull over in private, I will also say to your face. That is not true for everyone and that is why it is so difficult to change hearts and minds. When someone that is a misogynistic pig tells you they understand, to appease you, don’t believe it’s over. After all, they will fight dearly for their way of life to continue. Change is difficult and, for some, it is never to be.

If you have a story about change, or lack thereof, please post in the comment thread. Or just rip me apart. Either way, debate is educational. It is the only true way to make change happen, so bring it!

Peace,
Chantale

Thank you to ani difranco for the continued inspiration. I am trying my best to be a Phoenix. It is a long and difficult road, but we will all get there someday. Together.

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On Allies and Cataloging Practice

While watching my favourite weekend morning show, the Melissa Harris-Perry show on MSNBC, I was struck by the idea of cataloging practice and how it can be demonstrative of a critical point in social movements. This moment of clarity, however fleeting, made me giddy in knowing that I may have truly found my calling. Finally.

So, to better demonstrate my point: the topic at the top of the show was on “How to be a good ally”, referring to social movements in general, but the marriage equality movement specifically. In order for movements to move, for lack of a better term, there needs to be allies from outside the community. Harris-Perry used Viola Liuzzo as an example of an ally to a movement. Liuzzo, a white woman from Tennessee (by way of California) joined the march in Selma, Alabama, in 1965, and was gunned down for her ally-ship. She was in the midst of driving marchers back from Selma to their far reaching locations, when she was shot. Being an ally is not always a good experience, and sometimes, as demonstrated in this situation, can be deadly, but it is still important and necessary work. It is something that one does because they are moved to, as Liuzzo was, regardless of the consequences. Ally-ship is important work, but movements must reciprocate.

In cataloging, this would be referred to as a cross reference. Without the broader and narrower terms, we cannot find the information we need. Information seekers cannot understand the whole picture of what they are searching for, if the sources are not cross-referenced.

For example; a book is received in circulation that has many topics it deals with. Perhaps it is a Sociology text that deals with social movements. This book would encompass such topics as civil rights, feminist theory, marriage equality, socio-economic status, and race relations. According to Library of Congress subject headings, the cataloger needs to determine the broad purpose of the text and catalog it within that subject heading. So, the book would appear on the shelf in the Sociology section, sub section: Social Movements. But cataloging does not end there. It is merely the beginning. The book deals with more narrow subjects such as civil rights and marriage equality. In order to assist information seekers in finding this book when they are searching for gay marriage, a cross reference needs to exist for this narrower term. In the catalog, when searching gay marriage this text should appear, just as it should appear when searching the broader term of social movements.

This demonstrates the same concept within social justice. If you look at the full social justice movement as rows of stacks, with a network of individuals as the cataloging system, we see how ally reciprocation (cross reference) comes to be of the utmost importance. If one organization assists another in their struggle, but the struggling org does not reciprocate we lose the cross reference. This weakens the network (catalog) and movements lose steam. So, both cross reference, in cataloging, and ally reciprocation, in social movements are not just important, but imperative.

Overall, the understanding that comes out of librarianship and social justice is the need to work together as a community. If there is a crack in the system everyone loses. Social movements are a web of activity that needs to remain intact for the good of all. Without civil rights, there can be no equal rights. Without equal rights for minorities there can be no marriage equality or reproductive rights. Without marriage equality and reproductive rights there can be no healthcare reform. Without health care reform, there can be no workers rights. Without workers rights, there can be no environmental justice. Without environmental justice, there can be no local food movement. You see the point. It is a huge network of active participants that needs to overlap and dovetail and continue to strive toward cohesiveness in all things human. For the overall movement should be, just as Sociology was the broad term for the text in my previous description, Human Rights.

So, let us struggle in solidarity toward this main goal of equality for all, and along the way we can pick each other up, assist in individual goals for each community, and move toward a better world for everyone. We must work together as a community of progressives if we expect the goals of peace and justice can be achieved in our lifetime. The struggle continues, but we don’t have to go it alone. We always have each other.

Peace,
Chantale

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What Is A Family?

This week, the supreme court will hear arguments to overturn both the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) and California’s Proposition 8. These two pieces of legislation have brought injustice to a segment of the population for many years now and it is time to end the inequality.

A poll that came out this past week showed that in the 20 years since DOMA was signed into law (Bad Clinton. I love you, but c’mon man. What were you thinking with DOMA and DADT?) that public opinion of gay marriage has shifted greatly to the side of being for, not against, it. Just ten years ago, only 37% of the population would say they were for gay marriage, whereas, 53% say they are today. This is a huge stride and one that can make anyone who survived Stonewall proud. These are the days of change. We WILL see it in our lifetime and times are good.

But, there is always an opposition to good sense and that is where the lawyers defending prop 8 come in. The basis for their claim that upholding Prop 8 is the right thing to do comes from a traditional view of marriage. To quote them directly, “The concern is that redefining marriage as a genderless institution will sever its abiding connection to its historic traditional procreative purposes, and it will refocus, refocus the purpose of marriage and the definition of marriage away from the raising of children and to the emotional needs and desires of adults, of adult couples” (Charles J. Cooper, lawyer representing the proponents of Prop 8).

This got me thinking about my Sociology of Family class, from a few years back, and the first question we were asked and discussed in depth.

What is a family?

Of course, the first answer that was yelled out, from the back of the room, was two parents and their children. Ah ha! Two parents. Not a mother and a father, but two parents. This is telling. Later, this same person went on to say that he believed two parents were a mother and father, but the first reaction was two parents. This definition, although inclusive of same sex couples, does leave out many other people.

How about single moms or dads and their children? How about same sex or opposite sex couples with no children? Are these not families? Are a woman and man that want to get married, but hold off on having children (possibly never having biological children at all), not a real family? Well, if that is the case, I guess the writer and I will have to hand in our marriage license pronto! By defining family in such narrow terms as two parents and their children, it leaves out legions of others. We all become outsiders in this pursuit of narrowly defined family.

This is why DOMA and Prop 8 must go and that no new bills should be brought to any legislature in any state that try to define marriage as one woman one man. This is too narrow a definition for marriage, which also leads to an even narrower definition of family. So, go go Supreme Court! Do us justice now, so that we don’t continue to slide back into the injustice that was around when the country was formed.

We are supposed to be always looking ahead in America. Leading the world with innovation and equality. Well, we have fallen down on the promise that is a free society and if we don’t pick up the pieces and start making it right we might as well forget about that promise.

After all, this same day in history, 26 March 2013, North Dakota passed the most sweeping restrictions on choice since prior to roe v. wade released us from the burden of laws on our bodies. They are attempting to roll back women’s rights, but hopefully the voters won’t let it stand. Two steps forward and one step back.

We will get there someday, slowly but surely, rights for all living, human beings. And by the way, that means breathing on ones own, not just the potential to do so. Just sayin’.

Peace,
Chantale

links:
Full transcript of Supreme Court Arguments On California Gay Marriage Ban – 26 March 2013
‘It’s Bad For Business’: Employers Side With DOMA Opponents – a reason to actually LIKE Starbucks.

love is love is love.

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Let’s Talk About Gender (and Media)

Earlier in the week, I posted an article to Facebook, from New York Magazine. It was titled “The Retro Wife”. Maybe you saw my post, or the comments that transpired after the fact, maybe not. Either way, I have decided to get up on my gender studies soapbox and write a post. This is one of the great things about having an online journal. If something sticks with me for more than 24 hours, I can write about it. Good for deconstructing ideas and gathering my thoughts.

Every night, when I settle down to watch my favourite shows, I notice something about the commercials that come between. Even on such progressive networks as MSNBC, there is still an undertone of difference in some of the commercials that are aired by the sponsors. This is something that I find across the board, but let me explain precisely what I mean by undertone of difference.

Commercials advertise products. They have since the beginning of television and before that, businesses used radio, newspapers, magazines, and other forms of media to advertise their products. These products are geared toward demographics, which are made up of specific people. With this in mind, you would not see a tampon commercial that was geared toward cis gendered males, simply because that is not a product they need to use. However, when I say an undertone of difference, I mean that a tampon commercial can play to the stereotypes in our society about menstruation. Just as other commericals play to other stereotypes. This is a marketing strategy that has been used for many decades in advertising and it will continue to move forward in such a way. The undertone of difference creates a problem in society that continually perpetuates. If a product is marketed directly to you and you are being told that you need it because of some thing that is essentialist about your being, that is a problem. Of course, tampons will continue to be marketed to women, but there is a better way to do it than shaming.

For years, I have noticed these things about advertising. Since I was a child, I have felt that undertone of difference while watching television or going to movies. This difference transcends entertainment and moves into the real world when we take the things we learn from media and implement them in our lives. Sociology gave me the terms I needed to better understand the undertones I already sensed. However, it did not alert me to anything I was not already keenly aware of, as a cis gendered female, in American society. For this reason, I have felt the need to speak up. I feel the need to investigate and research and then write down my findings. I feel a push to better understand why there is an undertone of difference in the first place and work toward change.

There are companies that are coming around, slowly but surely. Amazon, a major player in online consumerism, released a commercial, in February of this year, that supports gay marriage. That, in an of itself, is a good thing, but the way that it is presented is even better. It depicts a woman and man sitting in side by side lounge chairs on the beach. The woman is reading on a kindle and the man is using an ipad. The man is struggling to read because of the glare and the woman tells him about how great her kindle is. The man then states “Done!” and proceeds to say he just bought a kindle “let’s celebrate! how about a drink!” The woman says “yes, my husband is bringing me one right now” and the man says “so is mine!” They both turn to see two men at the bar, purchasing beverages.

Now I realize that this is, from a marketing perspective, a way to gain more of the lbgtq community, but it also does something broader. It shows us changing attitudes about the culture. Advertising can, and should, do that. As we move forward into a more equal future for all, advertisers should continue to get on the bandwagon, as Amazon has, and push the envelope. Seeing depictions of oneself in media strengthens the ways in which we interact on a personal and societal level. Moving us forward through messages of positivity is good for our culture as a whole and, at the same time, good for business.

So, when I see products being created like “Bic for her” or “Dr. Pepper Ten” that put people into distinct categories and pit the sexes against each other, I cringe. Honestly, the first time I saw a Dr. Pepper Ten commercial, I thought it was a spoof and at the end they were going to do one of those needle scratch moments and say “Dr. Pepper is for everyone!”. But they didn’t. They just moved along with the same tired trope of making the ten calorie beverage seem more appealing to cis gendered males in a stereotypical way. 2013? Disappointing.

So, where do we go from here? How do we continue the trends of good advertising that cater to ALL people rather than to those who identify as just male or just female? How do we move the media in a way that will also move the culture? That is a work in progress that I believe those people in media who want to move it are doing. Slowly but surely. People like Melissa Harris-Perry and her nerdland staff and places like the Geena Davis Institute on Gender in Media. TV programs like My So-Called Life and Will & Grace that started pushing the envelope and opening the door to equality. Websites such as Feminist Frequency and Feministing that continue to show us how examining and better understanding pop culture, through a feminist lens, is the way to true gender equality. We are moving forward. Change is slow and grueling and although we may not get there in our lifetime, if we could just keep moving forward, leaning in, setting our sights for true equality and moving our ship in that direction, our country can eventually achieve equality of all people. Not just the people that have the loudest voices or a specific set of sex organs, all people.

/soapbox (for now)

Peace,

Chantale

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from the archives – just a girl – 6 July 2008

this weekend i had a realization. no matter how old i am or how successful i become – no matter what trials i face in my life and what struggles i overcome – i will always be (to some people) just a girl. someone who is vulnerable and needs to be taken care of. someone who creates worry for others simply because of my gender. someone who is believed to be incapable of certain things because i don’t have the anatomy of a man. someone who does things the way a “girl” does. whatever that means. since i am female i would, ofcourse, do things “like a girl” but that should not mean that it is less than a boy.

you would think that since it is 2008 we would have gotten over the old way of looking at things, but i suppose that is not the case. there are some people that will always believe that women cannot do certain things. case in point – hillary clinton. after she conceded the election i heard a few rumblings from people about the fact that she probably would not have won anyway. this is a sad state of affairs. especially when you consider that her opponent (john mccain) is not the sharpest individual. in fact – he has even admitted that he does not know things that would be important for a president to know. ofcourse, he never puts it that way. his supporters like to call it “intellectual honesty” but it is really just bull crap. at least hillary clinton has actual intelligence and thankfully so does barack obama. hopefully the masses in our country will have learned the lesson of not electing someone who is actually stupid. we had 8 years of it and i do not think we could withstand another 4.

getting back to the girl issue – in honour of my realization – i am dedicating this entry to all the strong women in this world and especially to the girls that will become the strong women of the future. if we ever want to see a woman president we have to start to change minds. starting at home is the best place to do this mind changing, but if it cannot happen right away do not be deterred. changing hearts and minds is a difficult task that we must rise up together and work toward. if we do not do this now – we will continue to be “just girls”. if we do not stand up for ourselves the issues that affect us today will continue to worsen. wage equality will never be overcome. reproductive rights will be further eroded. gender discrimination will be allowed to stand as normal and right. the world will be a worse place for our children (especially the girls). visit one of the links below to join a cause. take a stand – many people believe that this is the only life we have to live so it is only right that we should be allowed to live it as equal to everyone.

peace, hippiegrrl

links for the feminist in each of us:

national organization for women (NOW)

code pink

lucy stone league

equality now

emily’s list

feminist majority foundation

9to5 – national association of working women

feministing

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The Holidays and Gender Roles

Studying Sociology has become a double edged sword for me. Over the holiday season, my sense of gender roles and norms becomes heightened. Most of the time I have to keep my mouth shut and ‘go with the flow’, but sometimes I decide that I want to engage in a conversation that will hopefully lead to a better understanding for everyone concerned. This is how I know that I should probably be a professor, but that is for another post. This post is about how people can be one way in their day to day life and then the holidays come, we meet up with family and friends that we do not see daily and things go back to the way they previously were.

I am sure that everyone out there has a story about how the holidays bring out a different side of people. But, what if the side that it brings out is actually the regular, day to day, side and we only experience it at this time of year? When you rarely see an individual, you lose the feel for their personality. In some instances this can be good, but it is a shock to the system when you have to deal with each other for hours at a time. Thinking about this situation can bring up many things. Memories that have been washed of melancholy and are now shiny little examples of what we crave around the holidays. We forget the fighting and the strife and focus on the good. This may be good for the psyche, but in the long run it makes it more difficult to function year to year.

By letting the past stand as a beacon of what the holidays should be, we lose sight of what is real. We try to make everything perfect, to make it match up to our expectations of what can be based on what was. And in this, we fail to see the difficulty that falling back into our previous roles can cause. When gender roles are so tied up in the way that we function, in these situations, it makes things tense. In even the most enlightened family situations sometimes those gender norms sneak up and bite us.

When we interact with different divisions of our family, we may slide backwards when it comes to things we are willing to do to keep the peace. On a normal day, one might be a staunch feminist, but when faced with a holiday, feminism might be put on the back burner. This is a disservice to the holiday season! Better to make it a learning experience. After all, when are you going to get all these people together again? It really is a great platform for dispelling gender norms and for subverting the roles that we often fall into.

So, how do we do this? It may be difficult, but it has to be done. Sometimes there are gender norms already being subverted that you can point out as a starting place. In my family, my mother does the bulk of the planning, my parents go shopping together, my mom cooks the meal and my dad washes the dishes. Although there are still a few gender norms being practiced here, there are also a couple being subverted. 50 years ago (or yesterday, in some places) the mother in this scenario would have done everything listed above, while the dad merely poured drinks and sat in the living room enjoying family and friends. The ladies would have spent the majority of the time in the kitchen; cooking, cleaning and sometimes even eating, away from the family. Yes we have come a long way, but we cannot merely rest on our laurels. We need to continue talking, dispelling, subverting and fighting until there are no gender norms. On the day that we no longer hear the words “that is women’s work” or “this is a mans job” uttered we will finally be equal and free of the constraints that come with being cast in a mold of social and cultural making.

Until next time, good luck in your fight, fellow feminists! We can go further together than we ever could alone so keep it up!

Peace and happy subverting,

Chantale aka hippiegrrl